Guilt is crushing me again
I got the kitchen sink leak fixed and I now have hot water 
Got help from a charity helping those on low income
Yeah if you can, talk to any government assistant program that can help you financially, and then you can search for a job in the meantime. I mean I've known people who were unemployed who went on these type of programs until they could secure a job, so it could help you in the immediate areas of your life (like with money, rent, food, clothing), but then the emotions and the grief you are experiencing would take more time to sort out and heal from.
I'm just frightened all the time
Keep on distracting yourself from it and bit by bit let it empower you to know much more other than fear.
I'm just frightened all the time
Don't like myself much
Liking and disliking ourselves still though to lesser or greater degrees involves unconditional love.
Show yourself compassion 
and love yourself more 
Don't like myself much
Not much help with house but I did for e myself out into socialising
Went to my sci fi meetup group on Saturday evening
Felt good now I'm scared again
I didn't want to be so reliant now I'm Scared gonna run out of money
1000% this!
Well you know, you might feel like you're a crappy son, but it's likely that your dad probably did some crappy things too when he was a boy, and it's likely that many guys did crappy things that upset their parents too. Honor your dad for the life that he lived, and honor the things he has taught you in life. It's scary to lose a person who was there as a pillar of support and stability, as if the ground disappeared from beneath you and nothing is solid or there anymore, and many people have lost their parents and other loved ones, and they experienced a lot of grief (especially with covid19 lurking around. The loss changed the lives of many people). Any small thing you can do to gain some kind of stability would be good for you.
Maybe some government funded programs could help ease some of the financial and emotional stress that you're feeling.
Have you got some help with your practical issues now?
Hope so. Next step, will be getting you out and about
Love, you did NOT let anyone down. I've been following the sequence. You did your best with what you could. Now, you need the right things for you, so YOU can have a life. I feel sure your Dad would want you to have a life worth living x
Vision: Without a vision we just somewhat disintegrate. But how to envision a thing? Do you have a 'dream' version of yourself? Being fully you and living a life which you admire? Are there other individuals in your life who have values and principles you respect and consequently, their lives are (not perfect but) somewhat grounded? It's important to dream or be open to envisioning who we might be. This could be a spiritual process - whatever that might look like for you.
Intent is like creating a blueprint or map and then designing how to become this person. We can only do so much at once, so it's key to create immediate and long-term goals. Immediate ones which are attainable and long-term which maybe seem a bit out of reach but align with who you desire to be.
Means - or resources. This includes making time and having finances.
I know you mentioned your dad passed away only recently. We all have our own timing. Do you have any relatives or distant family you might be able to connect with? That might be a start. Learn to invest slowly and with appropriate boundaries with 1-2 humans you have a connexion with. Good relationships take a long time to grow.
Years ago I heard this talk on how to get from (where it sounds like you're maybe at) to a better place in life. The key elements were: Vision, Intent, Means.
I'm just scared all the time
I'm on my own abd I've never been on my own
I'm worried so much I feel my brain Will explode
I'm sorry. That sounds heartbreaking. I wouldn't want my son to feel like this if I died. He didn't ask to be born. So he just makes me happy by existence. But it's also not his job to make me happy, it just happens to be a consequence of having kids.
There seem to be a flurry of posts on this from you and if I can suggest, one step toward feeling less 'in pieces' might be creating just one thread. There's a whole community here and a collective of people willing to engage. A whole page of connexions rather than a few in bits scattered about may help. It's like having one massive Easter egg rather than a few small ones occasionally. I don't know. Sometimes small things like a focused huddle over a thing as important as this can help.
I was just a crap son I didn't mean to be but I was
Do you want to be specific about what happened? Or is it hard to explain.
Would you like help not doing this thing which you then feel guilty for? Or is it something else.
I don't know I wish I could just disappear into thin air got no one to help me at all 