I'm really struggling with bad thoughts at the moment I think it's because I'm not feeling well and the anxiety and autism in one making it so overwhelming. I don't want to hurt myself but at the same time I do and have this urge it's really hard to ignore. Not sure what else I can do about it. I don't want to tell mum she would worry and I can't call doctor until tomorrow. Any distraction or advice would be really useful right now.
That sounds great! And yeah - happy it's helpful.
I have a copy of the Artist's Way, too. Sometimes I attend a Zoom meeting based around that book; for two-way prayer.
Hi Jess. Is there anything you can focus this energy into? Do you run or do you have a pile of clay to shape and slice and mould? There's a dog in your photos, can you play catch?
Sometimes what we need is a creative outlet. Maybe a notebook to write down all the thoughts, because we all have them but they don't have to control us. This might be a good conversation to have with your mother if you feel open to it, perhaps if she can help you with creative and productive ideas for outlets. Maybe gardening the whole back and front garden. Even if it's been done ask if you can redesign it. Or things to build. Many of us have found relief with a pile of lego bricks and a set of instructions.
When you feel a bit better would be a good time to explore what might be causing the anxiety. One thing that helped me in my 20s was reading The Artists Way. The author suggests buying a cheap notebook and writing 3 pages every morning (or whenever you wake up). It's amazing what comes out in those that can help bring clarity but also a bit of relief.
I think that when we have bad thoughts and have the urge to hurt ourselves, it likely comes from a place of shame, guilt, or from thinking that we've done something wrong. There are instances where we cannot do the things we'd like to do that others may find so easy, because we have things like anxiety and other struggles to deal with. But because we face these difficult type of issues, that over time we are able to handle more difficult things than others would be able to handle, because we have to overcome anxiety to get there. When I get the urge, I fold many paper cranes, to symbolize my wish for life.
Hello @Jess
I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.
If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service:
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.
You can find more information here:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide
All the best,
ChloeMod
First of all, it's worth pointing out that by coming here (anywhere really) and asking for advice, you are currently winning in the battle against these bad thoughts. Well done for that bravery
Okay, not knowing anything about you or your mentality, I don't know how well any given approach would work for you. For that reason, here's a few, admittedly generic things
* Stay around other people as a distraction. If what you're looking for is just to buy time or ride the wave, I think being around at least one other person as much as possible is a tried and true distraction. Even if that's as simple as just being in the same room as somebody, not even talking, it goes a long way. I wouldn't do just this though. The best approach I think would be to think up a strategy to deal with the thoughts, while in the company of others. The idea is that, you'll have to be by yourself at some point and you've got to make sure you're safe when that happens (night time for instance). The other suggestions may(?) help with that
* Replace thoughts as they come up. Again, I don't know you, so this may seem like total nonsense. But for me, by far the most effective strategy for thoughts is to gain control of them. This involves some level of awareness, i.e listening in to what *exactly* you're thinking, what the automatic stuff is. Then, consciously dispute those thoughts if possible, or replace them by saying something along these lines in your head "This is what I'm thinking, but I'd rather be thinking about [...]". By actually thinking those words, you're taking control back from thoughts that you don't want. As I said before, you're already winning by coming here in the first place, so you definitely have the strength!
* Tell someone in real life. You can dismiss this immediately if you want to, but I think it's very important to at least have your decision be balanced. That is, if you aren't going to tell someone, do you think that's the best thing? It might be, I know for some people they aren't in a position where they can tell anyone. But, as long as you really consider what your fear is and if it's justified etc, I think that's the main thing. Chances are though, in most cases, telling someone close to you is the best way.
If you have any questions about what I've written here specifically, please do ask. And, I really really hope that you're okay. Either now, later, or eventually :)
