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Socializing

NAS77989

Hii

I'm not sure if its a problem with my thinking. But it's difficult for me to make friends and acquaintances. It's not that I don't want to. When I'm approaching someone I feel they may not respond and I will be embarrassed. When they do not respond openly I feel hurt and that stops me from continuing further. I'm not sure if people sense I'm needy or whatever that is. The situation is abysmal when approaching women. Is it an issue with self esteem ?

  • If you really want to connect to other people then don’t lose hope. It’s just a matter of finding people who have a similar mindset to you (usually autistic people in my experience). Like minded people, people who won’t judge you in the way you describe. You’ll find your ‘tribe’ eventually - even if it’s just that one special person you will find them eventually :) 

  • Funny how some traits affect us differently, huh? I go the other way. No filter, but completely unafraid of social encounters.

    Try saying this to yourself and see if it helps...might not, but always worth a go.. 'what I am is what I am, warts and all, I am of value. Those who matter will not mind, and those who mind will not matter.' You may get knocked back a few times; usually by those too shallow to see under the surface, but you will also run across those kindred people who see you as you are, truely appreciate the how refreshing your candor is and want to bond 'cos they just love what you are'. 

    I have a small circle of truely close friends whose love has weathered decades. Found 'em mostly by blundering in, raw me whilst they sputtered their beer or wine or coffee over some comical social gaff or other and took to me. Lol. Others weren't so sure about me at first, but then took the time to get to know me.

    As for partners, yup the same. Some exes of mine are still mates 'cos something I said nearly made them choke on their beer, but they still know I'm there when they need a friend to listen. We had some fun on the way.

  • I feel more relaxed socially if going to something specific. So for example going for a meal where you have a set place. I might then feel comfortable just speaking to those nearby. Wondering if there is anything you are interested in where you could join a group and get to know people with similar interests. In the past I have enjoyed a walking holiday.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    My heart goes out to you, i know exactly how you feel, i've been like that all my life. And when you do meet someone you do everything possible to hang on to them, but that may make you seem needy I tried for a long time internet dating, with mixed results. I thought that, if i could 'talk' to someone online, emails first, perhaps Skype it would easier and i'd be more relaxed if we were to meet in 'real' life, 'cos you know a bit about them by then.

  • I struggled all the same until

    NAS77989 said:
    acquaintances

    I realised I have no use or need for them, It turned out it's the intensity of an attempt  that repeled them before

    NAS77989 said:
    friends

    For it to be worth making effort It must be someone compatible with your personality, and both of you must have something that other needs. I'm INTJ, so I go well without clashes with INFJs only, I met one who is poemwriter, he teaches me how to, and he gets someone to talk about it at last

    NAS77989 said:
    women

    they're to insane to be understood LOL