FUCING HATE MY LIFE everything about it
cant escape my thoughts or feelings, cant manage my emotions, cant and never made friends, i dont know what friends or relationship feels like even with family, dont even know what it feels like to be happy, the people in services who are meant to be professionals but there not, they are just there to make money and to dismiss people without any care at all, trying to get people to understand me and no one listens, using the crisis number when i am in a crisis and get told i am being too dependant with them so there job is basically just to ring an ambulance and give advice such as go watch tv, emotional support helplines are people there just to sit there and listen and pretend to care, i feel like i am a freak of nature who has grew up wrong and developed alot of issues with no one around me at the age of 32 i feel like i do not belong to this world, i feel rejection everytime i try to use support services because they do not understand such as doctors, community support workers there just all fake people who acually dont give a *** about people, the way they talk to me the way they treat me is disgusting, im just weak and cant handle anything
cant escape my thoughts or feelings, cant manage my emotions, cant and never made friends, i dont know what friends or relationship feels like even with family, dont even know what it feels like to be happy, the people in services who are meant to be professionals but there not, they are just there to make money and to dismiss people without any care at all, trying to get people to understand me and no one listens, using the crisis number when i am in a crisis and get told i am being too dependant with them so there job is basically just to ring an ambulance and give advice such as go watch tv, emotional support helplines are people there just to sit there and listen and pretend to care, i feel like i am a freak of nature who has grew up wrong and developed alot of issues with no one around me at the age of 32 i feel like i do not belong to this world, i feel rejection everytime i try to use support services because they do not understand such as doctors, community support workers there just all fake people who acually dont give a *** about people, the way they talk to me the way they treat me is disgusting, im just weak and cant handle anything
i have no hobbies i just use to work and play videos games i lost my job due to my mental health being so bad and i started playing video games for 12hours plus a day and became addicted to it, i had a PS5 but sold it as playing games became hard to concentraate on and i didnt get the enjoyment i use to get out of it anymore it seems to cause me anxiety in multiplayer games to the point id be holding my breath and getting tense and i have tried playing story type games but i seem to not be able to get into them
ah 32... i too am 32 and never had any friends and still live with parents, although i feel im fixing that now as i managed to fluke myself a job some months back and can set myself towards saving for a house at least and the job gives me the illusion of having freinds and a social life at least.
as for emotions, id say just learn to cherish them. im always perma depressed but i kinda thought on it and thought thats life... perhaps when we are dead and some sort of out of body being we dont feel any emotions and we choose to be reincarnated perhaps so we can feel again? a emotion rich life is perhaps like a drug that our spirit craves, it at least is a indicator that your living. perhaps the feel of emotions is just a release, and you have to accept and enjoy that release maybe and change view from feeling its bad or shameful to instead feel that its good like releasing a full to bursting bladder when you go to the toilet?
