mentally exhausted interacting with other people

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 40. I am still very much in the process of figuring everything out and trying to understand. I only recently learned about shutdowns which has been a real eye opener. As a child when I felt overwhelmed I would often shutdown to protect myself. I had no idea until recently what was happening. The best way to describe it is to imagine a tortoise going into its shell, it literally felt like I shrank down inside my own body, which then became a protective shell. My body would almost run on autopilot while I was safely tucked away inside. Almost like being in a trance. 

As an adult I haven't experienced that for many years but I regularly need that time to shutdown and be alone, usually most days. I need time to switch off completely and kind of pretend the world doesn't exist outside my bubble. There are times that (especially when I used to be in a relationship) I would have a day out somewhere and by evening time I would be absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted. Even if I hadn't done anything strenuous but just had a relaxing day. I think that being around people and stimuli for hours at a time is what exhausts me, like my mind is always working overtime just to be sociable and responsive.

As I said, I am still in the process of learning all of this. I think this is something a lot of autistic people experience to some degree. I am so much more comfortable and relaxed living alone and being able to have that alone time whenever I need it. 

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 40. I am still very much in the process of figuring everything out and trying to understand. I only recently learned about shutdowns which has been a real eye opener. As a child when I felt overwhelmed I would often shutdown to protect myself. I had no idea until recently what was happening. The best way to describe it is to imagine a tortoise going into its shell, it literally felt like I shrank down inside my own body, which then became a protective shell. My body would almost run on autopilot while I was safely tucked away inside. Almost like being in a trance. 

As an adult I haven't experienced that for many years but I regularly need that time to shutdown and be alone, usually most days. I need time to switch off completely and kind of pretend the world doesn't exist outside my bubble. There are times that (especially when I used to be in a relationship) I would have a day out somewhere and by evening time I would be absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted. Even if I hadn't done anything strenuous but just had a relaxing day. I think that being around people and stimuli for hours at a time is what exhausts me, like my mind is always working overtime just to be sociable and responsive.

As I said, I am still in the process of learning all of this. I think this is something a lot of autistic people experience to some degree. I am so much more comfortable and relaxed living alone and being able to have that alone time whenever I need it. 

Constantly.  I just limit what interaction I do during the day, luckily my job is in IT so I can go the whole day just on my home and I WTF 2-3 days a week. There's a fair amount of meetings on MS Teams which really leave me exhausted though.

I've just disclosed to work that I'm neurodiverse - been referred to adult ASD/ADHD services from GP.

Caught up with two friends— married couple - over a meal tonight, in a little pizza restaurant. It was lovely to see them  but I went into my usual rambling, ultra masked survival mode. Now I’m home, exhausted, and feeling like I’ve got flu and glandular fever or something. A soothing tea and a lie down are starting to help mitigate that jittery comedown and flu like shakes. I’d complain except ot would be even weirder to me not to have this after socialising even briefly. I marvel at the majority’s immunity to these effects, which are inevitable in my case. 

I get exhausted talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes.

I'm with you on that, Paul. I give egregious people a very wide birth.

Hi, I was diagnosed as dyslexic, ADD and aspergers last year at the age of 48. At first it was such a relief but im finding it a struggle lately. I wish I didnt have to interact with people, i must admit when its nice people im good but the opposite will drain and put me in a bad place where its hard to let go. I will come home from work at times and crash out for 40 mins even though im on concerta, i dont think its the concerta crash as iv experienced this before i started taking the meds. Id love to just stay away from awkward people.

Hi roguelife, I'm the same age as you and have just been diagnosed with Asperger's.

Have you found the diagnosis has helped you much?

Have you disclosed to everyone in your life,and have they reacted well?

I have not told anyone yet. I'm a bit scared it will all get out of control

I identify with this also 

I wake up, totally mentally exhausted after dreaming about interacting with other people.

NAS74817 said:

Training to become a lawyer, and going into investment banking

Just reading this sentence makes me want to retreat to a warm, safe place...

Hi Tassimo!

Thanks for the PM. Saw this and thought I would add my two cents - take it as peanuts or as pounds.

• It is entirely normal. I don't like the term 'high functioning' as I think it denigrates my fellow ASD peoples, but I am able to walk the fine line between being an extrovert and an introvert. I have a hard time explaining to NT's that even just a couple of hours can be exhausting, especially after and with the current post pandemic climate. 
• I'm terrible at knowing how to balance, so often land up exhausted and drained. But my tips are simple. Be confident and stand your ground, I know this is easier said than done, but your friends/associates will respect the boundaries of your time and space a lot more if you are firm about how your time is portioned out. Training to become a lawyer, and going into investment banking has taught me that your time is not just currency, it is the bracket by which you organise and do everything that you need for you and you only. Work with that logic and be confident in it.
• The second tip would be to avoid organizing or getting committed to things during the middle or at the start of the week. It sounds bizarre, but I notice if I have a weekend to rest - I am still fairly tired and drained on the Monday. So I usually aim to meet friends later during the week where I am a bit better adjusted and prepared. 
• Take you breaks. Want to read that book? Do that course or even just chill in bed and eat chips all day? Do it. Your wellbeing is not limited to just getting out and about, it's about self-care and that ties into looking after our mental wellbeing and making us less exhausted when we interact. I also find it helps, if you just give your friends a nudge to let them know that you may be a bit more tired or need a bit of pepping up. 

I would only caveat this by making a bold statement to you all, not just Tassimo. I know it is going to sound harsh, but believe me, it comes from a place of painful learning and sharp observation. Yes, things can get anxious and overwhelming when you are socialising and working your schedule. Lean on your friends, lean on your family - that is what they are there for. But do not, I repeat, do not stagnate your life by being afraid to say yes or no to people when they offer to socialise with you. For not only is it a good learning exercise, in being able to use your intuition to navigate difficult social scenarios, but it will also build your confidence more and more and give you a sense of empowerment that will strengthen with time. 

But brothers and sisters, you have to be prepared to make that move. The world will not turn on our axis. 

Yes I have this but you have drawn attention to it for me; thank you. 

I have tried for decades  to find  other reasons than the ASD explanation for my social issues.  I think it’s because I’m 56 and I only got diagnosed in 2018.  I’m conditioned over fifty five years to struggle on in searching for what I now am beginning to recognise is unattainable ie a change in neurology.  My thinking and striving is not meant to nor can it change my body chemistry. 

It would explain why I’ve had a weekend at a convention and I feel wiped-out, destroyed, demoralised negative, self-piteous, self-destructive  etc.   Strangely enough it seems to be the price for overdoing what I enjoy: I needed and liked meeting people.  I feel like I’m not ‘made for this world’.  But I must be, right?  I’m ‘made in this world’ thus I must also be ‘made for this world’.  I guess I have been sickened by over-socialising and I have the hangover.

I think this emotional and spiritual terror will pass, as all things do. In the meantime I am frightened by what I feel and have an urge to vanquish or destroy the feelings. 
 I need to learn from this experience.

This forum is a good University of Autism.

it has occurred to me - after reading comments - that I might have been ‘masking’ by constantly dominating conversations.  When silent in groups  I felt like I didn’t matter or exist and that I was being judged negatively 

Hi, and welcome to the forum. It's good to hear that you are working with supportive people at least.

Every day. 

I work with a very friendly group of people and their chatter exhausts me. Utterly. The room spins, my body aches, my head aches. But they are lovely and considerate and when I say "I'm going to sit in a dark room" they just say "ok!" and accept it.

Socially, I manage an hour with one other person at a time. That's my limit. 

Yes, I feel drained by conversations; especially online.

I'll be Quizmaster, soon, in the Belfast Meetup Zoom Quiz. I normally get finished quicker than others, as I tend to be the most efficient; due to having enough free time to dedicate to the Quiz. But sometimes, whenever I'm a competitor, I get pi$$ed off at the others - usually drunk - who are arguing about answers.

Interesting. My Autism Specialist says that she compares autists having conversations or engaging in any form of social interaction can be likened to the stress of attending a job interview: by the time it's over, you can be drained of energy.

It’s like taking an examination on having the right to exist.  I guess I’m not naturally talented socially.  Maybe I’m more sensitive and self critical about this than the people to whom I’m speaking.  The problem isn’t the conversations so much as my fear that I’m sliding into failure with it.  There has to be a funny side to this which i havre yet to see. 

Yes absolutely, sadly I do quite a bit of masking with those around me and afterwards am emotionally drained and need time to rest and clear my head.