Published on 12, July, 2020
I go through a lot of intense anxiety, as well as depression, and generally I'll be worrying to death about things I know I don't need to worry about it, or which I should put aside for now and deal with later. People have always told me I should be able to do this - choose to worry about something later, or dismiss worries from my mind - but this seems utterly impossible to me.
Is this part of the obsessive way an autistic mind works? I know I obsess over mundane things too which don't cause me anxiety but which I feel compelled to do, and also I get pleasure from obsessing over certain interests. Do we just have to accept this worry as part of the obsessiveness?
I also wonder,and can kind of see after something which happened today, that my perseveration or anxiety or rumination etc can also stem from trying to work things out which others can do more intuitively. So again, it feeds into uncertainty but I think the root cause could be to do with AS and not fully understanding a situation.
I identify with this. I feel like I'm conspicuously slow thinking, but at the same time I'm intelligent enough to enjoy literature and art and other pursuits I'm sure people who are sharper than me don't seem to care about.
Yes. I still think about things from a few years ago cos still have no idea what was meant. Of course, non AS people ruminate on things but I think by now they would have let this one pass.
Someone flirted with me at work once and it took about 5 years for me to realise. When Ive since recounted the story to others, theyve all pulled a disgusted face. It didn't even register with me at the time that it was a) obvious flirting and b) maybe a bit creepy.
I think intelligence is different to social "intuition" and they're not mutually exclusive.
out_of_step said:Nutt's views on alcohol and drugs got him sacked as the government's drug advisor!
Yes I read that about him. Good to know he's not afraid to speak the truth even if it hinders his career.
I think psyche has come back over the last five years or so, albeit in an underground/alternative way. Certainly my band has been influenced by it. I remember seeing the band Menace Beach around 2014 which was the first signs I came across of its re- emergence.
We're not so much garage as more lo-fi, and not really at all heavy. We weren't around long enough to do much before the pandemic and even though we have a few songs out there we hadn't really hit on a sound until more recently. Still exploring it but we're a bit closer I think. I'll send you our upcoming single in a DM, I'm a bit happier with that than anything else. Still also happy to receive criticism though, I always like to push myself. Good to meet someone on here with a similar taste in music.
EDIT - Don't think there is a private message function on here... I'll share the video when it comes out hopefully within a month or so.
Ohhh that's cool! I love old-school psych and garage (like Nuggets) and went to Liverpool psyche fest a few years ago where Cool Ghouls played. There's has been or is coming up Manchester Psychedelic festival but I don't think I could cope with all the young 'uns. I'd love to hear your songs if you want to share the name of your band. If not, that's ok! I think growing up, psychedelia played quite a part in my life without fully understanding or having tried anything. I feel like I've come full circle now.
I gave up on alcohol. I've never seen myself as having a problem but would get carried away on a night out. There were several reasons I gave up but anxiety was one of them. Another was knowing I was probably autistic. I didn't feel the need to hide any more. At the start it was more the ritual of having a drink rather than drinking itself that I missed. That's good you are a lot better with it now. Yes, Nutt's views on alcohol and drugs got him sacked as the government's drug advisor!
That's really interesting. I'd seen interviews with Nutt before and read articles about his research and his views on alcohol, but it was great to see the work in action. I'll continue to do my own research and take note of your recommendations. Maybe if I could get hold of some again it would be worth a try. The shrooms I took were actually legal when I had them as a teen although I know they aren't anymore, but I know people who use psychedelics so I could probably get my hands on some. I've often used alcohol and occasionally drugs, most often to deal with depression and anxiety as much as anything. Alcohol in particular has been a big issue in my life although I'm a lot better now and rarely drink.
Funnily enough I play in a psychedelic influenced band. We have a single coming out within the next few months and it's been good to get back to playing gigs again, even if it's a bit of an extra stress.
It's good to have people you can talk to...I understand what you mean about *really* understanding it though.
What sort of music do you like to play? Yes I'm a teacher of adults. Do you still take the medication? I came off my SSRIs because I felt they were not really helping.
It was recreational. Yes I saw that documentary too. I have "followed" Nutt and Carhart-Harris for a while. Nutt has some really good podcasts on youtube and Spotify about a whole range of how substances can be used to treat mental health. I think it's been one of my interests in the past 18 months! Check out ThirdWave or Double Blind too. That's cool you could have done the trial!
Ive had a LOW dose a few times. Set and setting is important to have a good experience. I had the most AMAZING day all on my own last autumn. It was only on my way home, I realised I hadn't thought while I had been out about anything which had been troubling me. I was just purely in the moment, the present. Appreciating everything. I felt really connected to those walking past with their dogs. I came home and felt really connected to my partner. For a few days after, I noticed I was only eating when I was hungry (ie not comfort eating or just for the sake of it). I felt more productive without realising it could be an effect (I attempted making home made crumpets the day after....!) and just got really in the zone in my online drawing class. I noticed I wasn't perseverating as much either.
Obviously I'm not advocating anything, but these fungi, alongside CBT, my diagnosis and mindfulness I have found a cumulative benefit with all of these things. My experience with them has helped me be more empathetic and understanding of others. This has reduced anxiety or stress in some situations. I'm sure everyone has different experiences though.