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Death

Ellie b

I can't accept the circle of life I see people who r our loved ones when took away from us am being punished i been grieving for my nan 14 years now she was my best friend she was what kept me strong when I was constantly bullied she unexpectedly died from a stroke never can accept it to painful now my other nan has covid pneumonia trying to tell my head to focus on the positive but extremely extremely ill this is causing massive meltdowns.

  • Death can be very hard to come to terms with. It seems so final.

    When young, it is hard to accept the finality of death.  I lost schoolfriend's to disease and accident and lost relations when young.  As I grew older and now in retirement it is still difficult - after all, none of us will say 'Oh good, I am going to die in a few years'.  But hearing of the death of others even close friends is no longer the same as it once was.  It still can be a shock, but I accept life goes on.

    There are people very good in death counselling.  Even if you are not religious, a vicar can be very good to talk to about it, and of course religion is important to some people.  And there are services available from people who have gone through the same thing.

    Your Nan was important to you, she had a special place in your heart, and she will always be there in your memories as part of you.  You don't want to forget her nor should you.  Remember good times you had together with affection.  Grief is natural, as is showing emotion when thinking of her.  Above all, try to do things that would have made her proud of you.

    A part of her is always inside you.

  • in reply to Desmond79

    that was good  until the last line which is vicious

    "some who honour you after death would've stabbed you in the back when you're alive."

    blimey Slight smile

  • in reply to Plastic

    My father was killed in the 'Troubles' in 1989.

    My mum was in a road collision - with me in the passenger seat - and suddenly deteriorated; until she died thirteen years ago.

    My gran ended up paranoid and hypervigilent since then. My brother left school at 16 with no qualifications - he was withdrawn - and ended up gaining qualifications in Tech; registering for Uni the morning gran died.

    Death is part of life; in Rural Ireland. We pay our respects. However, some who honour you after death would've stabbed you in the back when you're alive.

    Treasure the memories.

  • I'm sorry you;re felling so unstable about the whole thing.

    I've experienced a lot of people dying around me and no two deaths are the same.    The 'drop dead' ones are the hardest to deal with - no warning, no time to say goodbye, no time to close the loops - they're just gone,    It takes a long time to get over it - if you ever can.    My dad dropped dead over 20 years ago - I miss him every day.

    Since then, my mum just gave up on life so when she dropped dead a few years ago, I didn't feel anything but 'it's good that she's now at peace'..   No real emotion at all.

    I've had others linger so you can get to talk it all out with them before they go - but it's very hard to watch people slowly die.

    The only advice I can give is time will fix it and make it less painful.    It never goes away, but you'll manage to cope with it eventually.   It's just really tough right now to be in the middle of it.

  • There is always a different perspective to try and see. My paternal Nan and grandad died long before I was born and maternal grandad when I was 4, grandma when I was 19. So I only ever knew 1 of  my 4 grandparents.  I am envious you knew so many grandparents . As ASD we don’t like change and that includes death..... big time. It is not easy to move on

  • Have you spoken to anyone in real life about how you feel? Death is hard but there are people who can help. If you look up Cruse they're a bereavement charity who have stuff online and also a helpline.

  • in reply to Ellie b

    it is (hurtful)

    Life is a constant struggle but when u realise that u can manage things fine its not to bad. 

    You have done well to manage to get this far, experienced alot, conquered alot, achieved so much.

    "I am managing to do everything well" keep saying saying that it works. 

    everyones life is as follows

    All of the things a person goes through in life cause suffering and they cannot do anything about it. Instead, they have to accept that it is there.

    .

    .

    .

    Sorry I am not very good with death/grief because I have seen so much of it and its part of my autism.  From 10 onwards, I have decided to simply get up and move on immediately, I owe it to the people I leave behind. 

  • in reply to aidie

    Thanks i don't know how to accept life I just see it as a bad dangerous hurtful world x

  • sorry to hear you are suffering and grieving. Hope you recover soon