What to do when you don't get a diagnosis ..?

Hi,

I agree that many parents battle against huge odds. I don't mean to criticise them but there are some that aren't aware of themselves and there are some where their autism makes every fight into a battle because people with undiagnosed autism are often very poor at diplomacy (mea culpa! particularly before I was diagnosed)

My own childhood was actually pretty good and I only discovered my autism as I clattered around in jobs where I kept getting into arguments. This lead to me working out why there had been unfortunate incidents in my family history in previous generations. I am slightly sad to have discovered my autism only after my children grew up. Perhaps things might have gone more smoothly if I had been more self aware - I don't really know and there is not much point beating myself up for things that I wasn't aware of until later.

There is an interesting article in the guardian https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/26/autism-hidden-pool-of-undiagnosed-mothers-with-condition-emerging which is worth reading. This article resonated with a lot of things I have read on this forum and elsewhere. My own mother was not affected, my autism comes from my father's side of the family, so it doesn't so directly apply to my own case but I think the whole context of an individual with autism (and, indeed, any child in any family) needs to be thought about and reconsidered if autism is found or suspected.

I tried to use the word "might" in my earlier post to suggest that there are possibilities that need to be considered. I was trying, perhaps not successfully! to get the OP to look at the wider environment of the child.

Recombinant Socks, I feel you are drawing on your own experience too much when you advise:

Autistic parents are often oblivious to their children's feelings and to what good parenting looks like.

Many autistic people make great parents and battle against huge odds to do so. I'm sorry if yours did not. Autistic parents may feel insulted by what you wrote and non-autistic peoplle may read the comment and conclude that we make bad parents. I write this as someone who had two autistic parents.

London Sunshine, there is a great deal of difference between the possible diagnoses that you list. You are clearly seeking answers but can you share why you are so desperate to get your son labelled in this way?

Hi There,

Diagnosis of problems like autism and mental issues is a very uncertain process. If he has done 2 assessments then autism may not be the issue.

If autism is the issue then (because autism is highly genetically inherited) you should also take an autism test such as the AQ50 test aspergerstest.net/.../ yourselves (both parents). This might serve two purposes.

a) it might confirm your suspcicion about your son.

b) It might suggest that you should get to know yourself a bit better before shining the spotlight on your son. Autistic parents are often oblivious to their children's feelings and to what good parenting looks like.

The above comments are written by someone who has inherited the genes from my father's side of the family and who may have passed some of them on to my children. My diagnosis has provided valuable insight about my own childhood as well as providing some insight into my own children's upbringing.