I'm New & Need Advice

Pride, you have received very good advice from others here but I just want to add one thing. That is, in the final analysis, you have to learn to be your own best friend. What I mean by that is to accept yourself, without judement, and to use self-talk to try to guide your reactions when they seem to be getting out of hand. I know that sounds pretty glib but really, this is the main purpose of CBT, where the therapist attempts to change the way somebody thinks about their life and the way they behave. In other words, we have to turn to our 'wise' self in order to navigate our way through life. I don't mean become self-obsessed about our every action but when we feel we are floundering over some situation to try to step back and look at ourselves and the kinds of reactions our disorder tends to make us do, as someone else might look at us, and try to take a middle course. I find that it's useful to try to make myself slow down in order to allow me some thinking space because a calmer mind is generally better able to think more effectively than an agitated one. This isn't easy and has to be practised and, I think, tends to come with age and maturity but in the final analysis we have to be our own best friend, something that is the aim of therapy. 

@caretwo: that's an excellent post with lots of options. Options are good. I am struggling with the disclosure issue - I have mentioned it in some interviews and then not got the job - I disclosed it in the health pre-screening for my last job but ultimately realised that I was in the wrong job and packed it in as it was destroying me. It was the nature of the work rather than the people that was wrong in this case.

@LMW: you have distilled the essence of CBT, and trying to be your own best friend, in your post. Sometimes, a best friends job is to challenge you to do things differently and challenge is an essential part of CBT.

@40S I think I will try and remember to write down the questions in my next interview. Writing the question down might give you thinking time and help you slow down which is a thing that LMW mentioned. I'm aware that it is a good idea to "think twice and speak once" but often don't manage to do that in practice. Good luck with your interview on 15/6.

I think that's great advice, lostmyway, but in practice you're right, it is sooo hard, especially when you see things from a certain standpoint.  I have always found it difficult to see things from another perspective and and think my way is the best way.  It is, of course, the best way for me sometimes, but not the only way.  Age and maturity do bring insight and experience and a guiding voice can open your eyes.  

I'm sorry to hear you've not been well enough to be applying for jobs, caretwo.  Pride, hopefully some of the tips in these comments will be helpful. I did once go for an interview and they gave me the interview questions written on cards that I could hold and refer to.  It really helped me to make sure I was answering the questions as best I could by having them written down in front of me, as I find that helps.  

One thing I've also tried in the past is taking a pen and paper in with me and writing the questions down as they are asked, so that I can remember and refer to them.  I've not had this request turned down before, and haven't made any disclosure about any adjustments needed to the interviewer.  I think most employers would rather the person sat in front of them can do the best they can. 

I've also found cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) really helpful, and my GP has referred me in the past in regards anxiety / depression.  It can challenge rigid thinking, anxious feelings and help replace these with more positivity.  It's a challenge though, I do understand.  I'm not working at the moment, but am hopeful that I will do my best when I next go for an interview (15th June). 

I'm sorry to hear you've not been well enough to be applying for jobs, caretwo.  Pride, hopefully some of the tips in these comments will be helpful. I did once go for an interview and they gave me the interview questions written on cards that I could hold and refer to.  It really helped me to make sure I was answering the questions as best I could by having them written down in front of me, as I find that helps.  

One thing I've also tried in the past is taking a pen and paper in with me and writing the questions down as they are asked, so that I can remember and refer to them.  I've not had this request turned down before, and haven't made any disclosure about any adjustments needed to the interviewer.  I think most employers would rather the person sat in front of them can do the best they can. 

I've also found cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) really helpful, and my GP has referred me in the past in regards anxiety / depression.  It can challenge rigid thinking, anxious feelings and help replace these with more positivity.  It's a challenge though, I do understand.  I'm not working at the moment, but am hopeful that I will do my best when I next go for an interview (15th June). 

I think the reasonable adjustments that you detail in your reply, caretwo, are really helpful. Have you had any employers take up these suggestions, such as a 2 week work trial or giving you questions ahead of the interview?  I have an interview coming up and I know I'd 'perform' much better if I were to have the questions beforehand to think about, and check out with my other half, about what they actually want to know

Hi Pride and wlecome to the community,

I totally understand your problem with interviews. Having gone through yet another interview, without a clue about why I hadn't hit it off with the interviewer, was the trigger for me looking into autism as a cause. I have had loads++ of interviews over the years and still flounder when put on the spot as I struggle to list things off in a sensible order and I struggle to find a response to competency based questions (qive me an example of a time when you did such and such). There are things you can do to help with this but ultimately it is likely to be a struggle and I have come to accept that I will hit it off with some people but not others and I have stopped beating myself up when I don't get it right. It sounds like you have developed a real anxiety about it so you may benefit from some professional help...

There is a scheme called Access to Work www.gov.uk/.../overview that provides assistance for people in your situation. They will provide assessment and help in getting a disabled person into work. A diagnosis of autism was readily accepted as qualifying for the scheme when I rang them to get help and they were very friendly and helpful. They will fund various interventions and I wonder if they would fund some intensive help with your interview issues? They will send out someone to work out what help might help - they do see this as an opportunity to get people into work and off benefits so there aren't the same pressures on spending that you have hit with other benefits.

I haven't heard of Perthes disease but I wonder if something like that is the cause of my own degenerative hips. I have just had a complete hip replacement at the age of 58 which I thought was too young for such a procedure - the operation also cured me of my phobia with hospitals so I got two benefits for the price of one!