11 year old just diagnosed with High Functioning Autism

@Darren

I think the best advice I can give any new family with a autistic child is to throw everything you know and feel out of the window. If you don't your cause more harm than good though no fault of your own.

As a HF Autistic I would say that all the social encounters normal people like ...... I hate.

As a child I hated birthday parties, hated family get togethers and absoutley hated mainstream school. I almost found that I had to act infront of my parents to satisfy their nurturing needs in the whole infant to secondary school thing. 

The danger is if you ignore a Autistic childs needs and put them into persistant trauma under most cases they will develop a personality disorder and there are no cures I am afraid. 

As a child I found communicating particular hard because I was a quiet person and whenever I spoke everyone use to poke fun at me. This turned into me not speaking at all. This is one reason why mainstream school is not particular good for autistic children at a young age.

I also struggled with hints about what to talk about with friends, strangers and how to have a sense of humor.

I think its best to describe a Autistic person as someone who only talks when it is absoultely necessary and when we do talk its like lifting up a huge weight because we are use to thinking more than communicating.

In all circumstances you want to avoid your child becoming a person like me because I am the worst case scenario. I am a proper psychopath who has mood swings and cannot relate to others well.

i'll tell you the mistakes my parents made.

1. They put me in a mainstream school and never intervened in such ways that got me out of mainstream school. This resulted in constant bullying from nursery all the way to the age of 16 when I left.

I was basically made the school punch bag and every bully used me in every way you can imagine.

The usual kick in & gang beatings, fire works shot at me, psychologically tormented by girls telling me they liked me but didn't, my food posioned by science class chemicals, my clothes urinated on, my coursework destroyed and even my parents inviting the bullies back home to birthday parties.

This was mainly my mothers doing and I won't lie to you .... It tore us apart for atleast 15 years. When my Dad took custody at 15 years old in 1999 I didn't really repair my relationship with my mother till 2014. 

2. My parents where always trying to push me to socialize with others and never accepted the fact that as a Autistic person my best enviroment is being a-social but social in matters which interest me like intelectual pursuits such as Computing.

There constant barrage of social enrichment encouragement made me turn to social groups where adults where totally void and not present. I prefered the company of gangs where people where either drunk, high on weed or just enjoyed crusing about on their bicycles around town and on trips to dirt bike courses.

I got involved in a lot of anti-social behavior but it was a lot better than being constantly uncomfortable. Instead I drank at early age, smoked weed when I wanted too and enjoyed bypassing soceities rules.

Now if my parents backed off and didnt force their will on me I probably would of been learning how to program a amiga64 in my bedroom but instead they joined a gang to escape the trauma. 

3. They sent me to therapy in hope I would change and week after week I would have to listen to some psychriast that was actually offering mental health advice to my parents rather than me.

If I even told the psycharist out loud I just want to be a quiet person, avoid mainstream school and not socialize my parents would flip out and the shouting would start. They then wondered why I had violent outbursts. It was like trying to breath while being drowned. 

It came to the point where I just played along. My autism never really changed. I just wanted to get signed off the family support unit.

So many people do this. Parents can be the number 1 source of the problem.

Anyway take this as a warning because only 15% of Autistic adults are employed in the UK. 

And if your child turns into a Psychopath the choice is prison or home prison almost. 

I am lucky. I am a self-ware Psychopath with HF Autism. I have a small voluntary job and I can some what migitate the damage I cause to others. 

...... But the mistakes my parents made contributed to a lot of my problems. 

Truth is hard to swallow.
A lot of autistic people will tell you a lot of stuff you won't want to hear but if you want your child to live a happy life I am afraid your have to accept them for what they really are.

A-social, quiet, listener & thinker and see things in different ways.  

Now if you want to understand what sort of things Autistic people like .... think Lego, Computing, Engineering, etc. 

I at the moment am obessed with this.

 www.ebay.co.uk/.../231691341047

Best education you can give a Autistic child is at home and let their imagnination work wonders. 

Home school for the win!

 

Good evening. Im near wrexham and have a 6 yr 0ld with we believe adhd and asd of some sort. she is with camhs at the moment after a 7 month wait. i was told not to go privately as the schools wouldnt accept a private diagnosis. Would be great to hear from someone else so close. i am aware that wrexham has an asd meeting which i emailed today so maybe it might be something you could look into and might give you some other people to connect with either in the wrexham area or chester might have one as well?!

steff

we are awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD. SelfawarePsychopath I would also love to hear about your experiences - and Otlo123, I hope you and your son are coping well - would also like to hear from you if possible. 

Olto123 said:

Hi

I live near Chester and my 11 year old son was diagnosed on Sunday with High Functioning Autism. We suspected for quite a while about ASD but it still came as a blow to us. 

We had to go private for the assessment as we were told we would have to wait 10 months to be assessed via CAMHS. Feeling lost and helpless now. Not sure what to do next and very keen to speak/meet people in same position.

Wise words

Thank you for your comment, it was helpful

"he is like a swan, paddling furiously to appear 'normal'"

That is such an apt description of being an autistic person surrounded by non-autistic people.  And in my experience, one of the best reasons to know our diagnosis - it has really helped me to give myself "permission" to be kind to myself, allowing myself the space to recover from all that paddling when I need to, without feeling that I have "failed" in some way.

Hi,

Sorry you are feeling lost now the diagnosis has been made for your son. It is life changing. Our 8 year old was diagnosed with 'classic' ASD when he was nearly 4. He has little speech, although this is developing, but he is the happiest one of our three children!

We have recently been for the ADOS with our 9 year old son, who suffers from high levels of anxiety, struggles with imaginative tasks and has sensory issues surrounding smells and tastes which severely affect his diet. He is doing so well at school, has a small group of friends and to the outside world, seems to be doing okay. But he is like a swan, paddling furiously to appear 'normal'. It takes an awful lot of effort on our part to 'keep him going', deal with his worries, keep him believing in himself, trying to build his confidence etc. We haven't had a diagnosis yet, but are due to see a paediatrician on 29/3 to discuss the report from the ADOS. I'm worried that a diagnosis will mean people judge him without meeting him - I'm worried about how it will affect him getting a job in the future. But I do feel it will help people to understand why he is the way he is...I'm trying to see it less as a 'label' more of an explanation for his quirky personality. Most people wouldn't be able to tell he has any worries or issues. He keeps them well hidden at school and it's only if you spend any length of time with him, or he is in an environment that is out of his comfort zone or just new (e.g. Cub camp!) that the signs start to show.  

When our middle child was diagnosed, it really did help speaking to other parents and sharing experiences, worries etc. I hope it will help you too x