Hello all!

Hi RosieF, I am the same with my son - I want to keep him safe but at the same time, I know he needs to learn how to handle life by himself.  It's something I'm working on a lot lately with hi being almost college age.  

I don't really have a good support network as I've not spent much time looking for one.  But recently, I had started to notice that other people could do with support so I got to researching and found there isn't a lot, which made me research people who might be able to set something up in my area.  I did get something set up but unfortunately it was terrible because the people running it have no experience with ASD and children with an actual diagnosis hated to go.  I have made a lot of contacts though so I am working on another project, taking all the mistakes from the previous group to come up with something better.

Sounds like you've got lots of guts!  I'm sure you'll get there. 

Have you contacting establish groups in orther areas to see how they got off the ground - I should think that they'd be very happy to help you.

If you need any luck I wish you bucket loads .. I'll keep an eye out for you. Rx

It's is hard to read people whilst socialising - a lot of people put on a act - usually an over confident one!  I think a lot more people would avoid it given the choice.

You sound like you've got most things sorted - I hope my boy manages too.  Part of me wants to shelter him and another wants to prepare him for anything life throws at him.

I am sure that you're not odd at all, the more I learn about Asperger, the less I judge people.  I agree, looking at the world differenlty makes my son fascinating.

Do you have a good support network?

RosieF said:

I can see the way he walks and his behaviour when he is outside - it's so rigid and controlled - the wind blowing his hair in the wrong position can be stressful.

As an adult you say that left is still hard - do you feel life gets easier?  Also, does more awareness for Asperger help, I assume that it wasn't very well understood in your youth?

In my case, I never got the support I needed - partly because there was less awareness and partly because my parents are likely on the spectrum too.  In the 80's there were special schools but perhaps I wasn't identified as SN due to being a top student, getting top grades.  My whole school life I had selective mutism, hardly speaking in public,  I had no friends, was clearly different and social services were involved as I guess they must have thought my behaviour was due to abuse.  I think if there had been more awareness, I wouldn't have struggled so much.  I would say that over the years, I have learnt how to cope with life because I've had no chouce but to. For example, I had to speak, learn how to make a phonecall and go to the supermarket since nobody else was going to do it for me.  Friendships and social situations have never been easy, but I've learnt through mistakes and losing friends what's acceptable and what isn't.  This is still ongoing.  I'd much rather not have to socialise at all as I find it painful.  I do suffer from depression at times and I lack motivation because everything needs to have a point and I overthink everything. The way I feel and think about things hasn't really changed, but I've been able to adapt and found ways to cope well enough to lead an independent life.  Having the diagnosis helps as I don't see myself as being odd any more; I see myself as someone that just sees the world differently and sometimes that can be a good thing.

RosieF said:

He's in a mainstream school with an ASC provision - unfortunately he doesn't see that he's in need of any help and refuses to go into the provision.  

Since the start of the new school year he hasn't been into any lessons, or even school for the last two days - we're trying to work out the problem whether it's just the change from being at home and back into the school routine or, he seems to struggle with crowds and I am worried it might be the thought of being shut in a room with 25-30 other people.  

The school are being very supportive and have sent some work home and are hopeing to arrange a 1 to 1 in a local library for him to gain trust in someone and gradually bring him back into school.

He's a clever boy, so given the facts and the right support I'm very hopeful.

My son doesn't like people to know that he has Asperger's, so he doesn't like the idea of going to youth groups or schools specifically for children with autstic spectrum conditions despite wanting to have friends because he's worried about being ridiculed by anyone who sees he goes there.  from my observations, by the age of 12, most kids will start feeling peer pressure.  My son only started feeling it quite recently.  There's no way he'd step foot into an ordinary school setting or a youth group- they are much more terrifying, so I guess the safest option is staying at home.  What I'm trying to say is, maybe your son is refusing to go to the special unit because it will stick out like a sore thumb, that he is 'different'.  Hopefully, the library lessons will work out.  The plan for my son is that he will go to a college that specialises in his chosen field.  We've visited the college and the atmosphere is much different from colleges that offer all kinds of subjects.  Therefore, over the year, we're working on his portfolio, will do more college visists and get him to meet up with other children with ASD so he is more prepared for that transition.  It's not been easy but I think with the right support, children with ASD can do very well.

Adult life with Asperger's is still difficult, but it's a different sort of difficult, so speaking for myself I can't say whether it's exactly easier. I'm very well thought of by most people who get to know me, and I think that now I'm older I can be seen more as a person with thoughts and feelings rather than just a changeling child who refuses to do her schoolwork and cries at the slightest thing. On the other hand, during childhood, people didn't have such high expectations for my behaviour and I do worry a lot about how I'm perceived by strangers.

I think by the time I was born (I'm 20) people were starting to become more aware of Asperger's and so I was diagnosed at the age of 8 with minimal hassle. I've also been quite lucky with my teachers, most of whom were very good after I was diagnosed. I would say all of them, were it not for one of them deciding she needed to humiliate me in front of the class when I let slip about a phobia of mine. Why she did that I've no idea; she'd been excellent until then.

I can see the way he walks and his behaviour when he is outside - it's so rigid and controlled - the wind blowing his hair in the wrong position can be stressful.

As an adult you say that left is still hard - do you feel life gets easier?  Also, does more awareness for Asperger help, I assume that it wasn't very well understood in your youth?

He's in a mainstream school with an ASC provision - unfortunately he doesn't see that he's in need of any help and refuses to go into the provision.  

Since the start of the new school year he hasn't been into any lessons, or even school for the last two days - we're trying to work out the problem whether it's just the change from being at home and back into the school routine or, he seems to struggle with crowds and I am worried it might be the thought of being shut in a room with 25-30 other people.  

The school are being very supportive and have sent some work home and are hopeing to arrange a 1 to 1 in a local library for him to gain trust in someone and gradually bring him back into school.

He's a clever boy, so given the facts and the right support I'm very hopeful.

Hi there, What you've described sounds a lot like what I 've been through or am still going through with my son who has Asperger's and he's 15.  I also have Asperger's so I can think back to the way I was at their age and take a good guess what they must be feeling.  Some of the issues I still struggle with, such as not wanting to leave the house.  It's a frightening world for a lot of us Aspies, you know.

Hi, welcome.  You're certainly not alone.  You sould like a good mum who's had + is still having a difficult time, sometimes.  There's loads of info via the posts + home page so have a look around if you haven't already.  Posters understand + will always try to help when they can.  How is your eldest doing at school- does he get the support he needs?