Tantrums in Asperger adults

Hi there, I joined as I need some guidance, I love my partner very much who has Aspergers. The only issue I find difficult is that he starts fights with me non stop and takes so much energy to reassure. He is controlling, suspicious and jealous.

Mostly I am patient but 10% of the time I get annoyed as he is so controlling and I find it hard to breathe. (not literally)

His outbursts then become uncontrollable and although he is never ever violent he is emotionally volatile and its impacting my career and health, I am a very social person and my career also requires me to socialise, 

90% of the time we are so happy and love each other so much, is there medication that may help him calm down? I dont wish to drug his personality which is ace, he is amazing and so very clever, honest and kind but I am so tired of these patterns.

Can you help?

Thanks

  • We usually use the word melt down on here. It is a loss of controll, due usually to external circumstances. Sensory overload and accumulating stress cause this in adults. I have been told that I over-react to things, but it is usually a case of "the straw that broke the camels back".

    I have learned recently, since I came off medication, that I must walk away before totally exploding and allow my self space and time to calm down. I then write down what is troubling me, before discussing it as calmly as possible. I liken myself to a volcano. After a certain point, I lose control.

    If I do lose control, I feel embarrassed later and try to appologise.

    Medication turned me into an overweight zombie.

  • This is dictionary definition:

    A tantrum or temper tantrum is an emotional outbreak, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, hitting.


    I still think its use is belittling  and patronising when applied to an adult.

  • The word is what it is though isn't it?  The behaviour is what it is - adult or child.

  • I do feel that its not correct to call adult expressions of anger 'tantrums', it has a patronsing ring to me as its a word usually used to describe the behaviour of toddlers. and small children.

  • My ex partner was like that - I left him.  Life has been a lot better without him.

  • Controlling, suspicious and jealous does not sound good. I don't think this is necesarily an Aspie thing though, and I would be far more concerned about that than someone having tantrums.

    It is one thing having a partner who is not sociable, but if he is antisocial but expecting you to stay at home and not have friends, that is completely out of order. 

    Is he prepared to go for couples counselling with you? (obviously with someone who understands AS). If he genuinely doesn't believe there is anything wrong in the way he is treating you, no amount of medication is going to help. 

    And if a relationship is affecting your career and health, is it really worth it? Have just re-read that and sorry if it sounds a bit blunt. As you can probably guess, I am single!