Diagnosed yesterday with autism aged 60

Hi Hergé

I understand what you mean when you say you feel incomplete and nothing is permanent.

My family are everything to me but I still feel like I’m an outsider looking in. 

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies. I now know the emotions I’m feeling are valid and natural. I just need to work through them at my own pace. One day at a time.

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 57, yes I have and do experience all the emotions you mention. I have spent a long time reframing practically my whole life. I’m only just starting to realise that non of it was my fault. A diagnosis seems to make many autistic people reframe life, I still feel anger over events in my school years, I also try to forgive as they knew no better, even the teachers knew nothing of autism.

Don’t blame yourself for your grandchildren being autistic, your autism most probably comes from one of your ancestors, it often doesn’t take long to workout who it was, it’s no one’s fault.

One thing I have noticed is the  world believes  only children are autistic, I wonder what they think happens to them? It’s reassuring that adults are now being diagnosed in larger numbers, we aren’t being over diagnosed, whole generations never had a chance. One thing I promised myself when I realised I’m autistic was, if I hopefully have 20 good years left, then they must count.

I was diagnosed at 53 following a lifetime of treatment for depression and anxiety.

I had a conversation with NHS psychologist (while trying to get onto a treatment program for depression (which oddly didn't disappear when I received my ASD diagnosis)), he said that I seemed to be carrying some anger regarding my late diagnosis.

It also didn't really help that he told me that my happiness was an unrealistic expectation.

The initial relief of being told that I wasn't really broken was short lived., it was replaced with some weird form of grief/anger/disquiet.

In the last two years I really don't think I have come to terms with it, I still feel broken, I have a greater understanding on why but it doesn't make it easier. How can I feel the loss of something I've never had. 

From an outsider perspective I've ticked most of those boxes that would be ascribed to successful life. I have a wife, kids, a house, job, pets etc but I'm still "incomplete", In what way I can't quite say, other than none of that feels hugely permanent or that I'm deeply emotionally connected to. Don't get me wrong, my wife and kids are the most important things in my life but I don't think it's what other people experience (or so I have been told).

I suppose not knowing that I was just "a bit different" for so long (how are you supposed to know as you don't have a direct comparison) really did a number on my self confidence and self image but that's a much larger conversation.

Take care.

You are 60 years old, aspergers came out in 1994 and autism in 1980. You left school by then and could not be diagnosed much younger. You would have been 28 if you was diagnosed with aspergers for the first time. The criteria changed as well from DSM 4 to DSM 5 and it did not include sensory issues then.  DSM 5 came out in 2013 and included about sensory issues. You didn't miss anything as such as there was no diagnosis. Before the days of autism this presentation was linked to psychosis and schizophrenia presentations. i don't know if you have come to medical attention before for severe issues. What do you think has affected you to feel you have missed out in life.

Sweet Pea hugs

Welcome - take care of your needs and don't worry if you start finding out new things about yourself

HiRanda and welcome

I remember all those feelings and I still have them but they have settled significantly. I hope you find some comfort and peace here

Hi Randa!

Hopefully those feeling of blame will in time turn to celebration of who your grandchildren are -knowing early that they have a wider group of people who know what it's like will help them a lot more than feeling so alone with it for much of your life, as so many later diagnosed people have gone through.But just now, with only just being diagnoses, all those emotions are fresh and raw and swirling, and they are okay and valid. It takes time for it to settle down a bit.

I hope you can enjoy using the forum and figuring it out more! There are people here from all stages of their journey into discovering themselves at all ages, so I hope you can take some comfort in that.

Best wishes.

Hello Randa,

Welcome to the Online Community!

Receiving an autism diagnosis can be a very emotional and overwhelming experience, and people often report a wide range of reactions and feelings similar to the ones you have described. These responses are very common.

The NAS website has a section called ‘Common Reactions to Receiving an Autism Diagnosis’, which may help you better understand and process some of the emotions you are experiencing.

Here is the link:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi

All the best,

Karin Mod