Diagnosed yesterday with autism aged 60

I was diagnosed at 53 following a lifetime of treatment for depression and anxiety.

I had a conversation with NHS psychologist (while trying to get onto a treatment program for depression (which oddly didn't disappear when I received my ASD diagnosis)), he said that I seemed to be carrying some anger regarding my late diagnosis.

It also didn't really help that he told me that my happiness was an unrealistic expectation.

The initial relief of being told that I wasn't really broken was short lived., it was replaced with some weird form of grief/anger/disquiet.

In the last two years I really don't think I have come to terms with it, I still feel broken, I have a greater understanding on why but it doesn't make it easier. How can I feel the loss of something I've never had. 

From an outsider perspective I've ticked most of those boxes that would be ascribed to successful life. I have a wife, kids, a house, job, pets etc but I'm still "incomplete", In what way I can't quite say, other than none of that feels hugely permanent or that I'm deeply emotionally connected to. Don't get me wrong, my wife and kids are the most important things in my life but I don't think it's what other people experience (or so I have been told).

I suppose not knowing that I was just "a bit different" for so long (how are you supposed to know as you don't have a direct comparison) really did a number on my self confidence and self image but that's a much larger conversation.

Take care.

I was diagnosed at 53 following a lifetime of treatment for depression and anxiety.

I had a conversation with NHS psychologist (while trying to get onto a treatment program for depression (which oddly didn't disappear when I received my ASD diagnosis)), he said that I seemed to be carrying some anger regarding my late diagnosis.

It also didn't really help that he told me that my happiness was an unrealistic expectation.

The initial relief of being told that I wasn't really broken was short lived., it was replaced with some weird form of grief/anger/disquiet.

In the last two years I really don't think I have come to terms with it, I still feel broken, I have a greater understanding on why but it doesn't make it easier. How can I feel the loss of something I've never had. 

From an outsider perspective I've ticked most of those boxes that would be ascribed to successful life. I have a wife, kids, a house, job, pets etc but I'm still "incomplete", In what way I can't quite say, other than none of that feels hugely permanent or that I'm deeply emotionally connected to. Don't get me wrong, my wife and kids are the most important things in my life but I don't think it's what other people experience (or so I have been told).

I suppose not knowing that I was just "a bit different" for so long (how are you supposed to know as you don't have a direct comparison) really did a number on my self confidence and self image but that's a much larger conversation.

Take care.

Hi Hergé

I understand what you mean when you say you feel incomplete and nothing is permanent.

My family are everything to me but I still feel like I’m an outsider looking in.