• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 233 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Husband waiting diagnosis - we’ve been together 20 years

RandomName26

My husband is 44 and waiting for diagnosis. We’ve been together 20 years and I love him so much. Since the pandemic he’s really struggled and I think found himself unmasking. He’s struggled to find a job and keep it due to several reasons - getting focused on one thing so not doing other tasks, saying something inappropriate or over sharing, and struggling to concentrate so making small mistakes. He’s now looking for another job but both him and I worry it will happen again. I’ve tried to help but I’m not sure I’m doing it right. Since I’ve been learning more about autism I’ve understood my husband so much more. One thing I’ve realised is he needs to work things out himself to understand things or accept an idea. Which is totally fine. But he’s stuck trying to work out what the issues are when working and how to find ways to manage it. He’s getting more and more depressed (he’s already on ssri’s) and says he feels useless and like he’s all wrong like “when he was a kid” (his words). 

I really just want to help him. Any advice? 

Parents Reply Children
  • in reply to RandomName26

    Sorry I was offline for the day so didn’t rely sooner. That is actually very difficult because I was eager to find out everything I possibly could about it. If he would read a few things he might feel less ashamed or like there is something wrong with him… there certainly isn’t. And only by being exposed to other people’s lived experiences will he be able to see this. 

  • in reply to RandomName26

    Perhaps you could point out some of the famous people who are autistic - such as Chris Packham, Dan Ackroyd, Anthony Hopkins, & Christine McGuiness. It's estimated that around 2% of the population are autistic (it could be more due to under diagnosis of older people) which is approximately 1.4 million people just in the uk. It's part of the natural diversity of human beings and none of these people - including your husband - have something "wrong" with them. It does take time to process things when you find out in adulthood you're on the spectrum though, so be patient with him.