Diagnosed 2 weeks ago at 37

I was diagnosed towards the end of last year, 35 year old woman, and I have had very mixed feelings ever since. Imposter syndrome, feeling flat, relief, embarrassment (not about being autistic but about reactions of others and the general view that people are jumping on a trend), sadness, anger and even a sense of feeling free. Even now I don't know what to think or feel. I've just started the right to choose process for ADHD as it was mentioned in the report for autism that it was worth investigation. Maybe this is part of the uncertainty, I don't know. 

I hope things will get better. I am high masking and don't know how to drop the mask. The moments I've had where I feel like I have unmasked (which are very few) I've felt like I'm taking the mick somehow. It's hard.

We're in very similar situations! I've been talking to my partner and he's been great but he doesn't understand why I feel bad... because I don't either!

HiSilmarilCritter and welcome 

I didn’t realise myself until my therapist mentioned I might have ADHD, and I now have an AuDHD diagnosis.

I’ve struggled most of my life with feeling inadequate and useless, so getting diagnosed didn’t suddenly change how I felt. If anything, I felt a bit sad at times for not knowing earlier.

It’s been a slow process for and I’m only just starting to feel more like my real self. I also find it hard to identify how I’m feeling sometimes, so that flat feeling you describe makes sense to me.

I think it takes time to process it all, especially if you’ve been masking for a long time.

I am glad it has helped. You are not alone and many of us have been where you are. We are all individuals of course, but hold some really important things in common. There's threads on here about all sorts, so have a nose about and contribute whenever you're ready...

Hello, you feel exactly like I do! I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. At first I was relieved because it explains why I've struggled so much with things, that there is an actual reason rather than me being 'no good / a failure as a human being '. But now I feel rather down. I don't know what to do with this. No one wants to be disabled. It feels like a massive deal and I have no one to talk to...sorry I'm not much help. But I wanted to reply because it helps knowing someone else is feeling as I do. Rose.

Thank you all who have replied so far. Everything you've said has been really helpful and reassuring and has made be feel less alone.

Hi SilmarilCritter and welcome. Diagnosis is a big thing so be gentle with yourself and let your body and mind work through it. This community is full of lived experience, insight and wisdom which can help you. Here's my post-diagnosis story.

I was diagnosed as being autistic and ADHD last summer. It took until I was 59 because I am a very high masker too. I hadn't realised what a toll this masking took on me, and just thought I was a bit rubbish for getting ill every few years.

My experience was relief and validation along with grief about my earlier life. I have, like you, had a flat feeling with some skill regression (executive function, working memory).

Diagnosis explains the 'why' of our strengths and challenges, but it doesn't give us a route to follow from there. That is for us to explore and maybe that flatness and sense of being lost prompts us metaphorically to have a sit on a bench, think about where we've been, look at the map and the landscape, and then step forwards towards something of interest.

Struggling to identify emotions is quite a common thing for us autistic folk, and you may find it interesting to read about alexithymia if you haven't already.

I have also experienced a period of deep burnout since the autumn, triggered by bereavements, health issues, domestic strife and work challenges. At its worst, I wasn’t functioning at all really as a dam had broken and everything felt threatening and overwhelming. That eased slowly over time, thankfully.

My own rebuild has required me to do the work of recoding a lot of past events, letting go of expectations (and people pleasing), working through my post-diagnostic identity challenges (who am I behind the mask?) and simplifying my life. This community has helped me feel more connected (thanks, everyone).

I am making progress and I know there is more for me to do. I know already my life will be slower and quieter than before, with space for me to explore my interests and with a focus on my own needs. It will be a sort of homecoming, I think.

Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation - I've linked to an article below about this.

As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistics

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy (or counselling) is often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you may instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

Hello. Suspecting is not the same as knowing. I thought I had accepted it but when I was told it still had some impact.

Fundamentally, finding out that no matter how hard you try you are still not the same as others, particularly if you have been masking, is a wrench to your identity. The flatness is because you are not sure what to make of it. It takes some time. You will come to realise eventually that it is ok, you are still you. Trying to work out who you are is interesting. Basically I think you end being you, instead of pretending to be you. It is not that much different, but takes a lot less effort. It is slow though and reading it is not the same as living it.

The main issue now is you have permission to notice what you were doing and if it was stressful. This means you are less inclined to keep doing them, hence the appearance of regression.

What will take time is relaxing and trying to worry less, have less anxiety about fitting in, gain confidence, etc. You can then consciously choose how to engage and how to spend your energy. It is slow though, slower than I thought.

It is normal to have mixed emotions at the moment. You will likely reframe, and possibly relive (if you have the right memory) your major life events.

Feeling lost is normal too. You have a diagnosis but while everything has changed, nothing has changed. Your life still has to trundle on. You also go from having a focus to it being over. There is none to talk to or thing to look forward to. What you replace this with is up to you.

It is quite a strange feeling.

Good morning from America, SilmarilCritter!

Congratulations on your diagnosis! I similarly felt relief after diagnosis, but then it took a few extra years for me to really accept it. That’s great that your support network has been good.

As you learn the extent of your masking, it’s not unusual to discover that some skills were actually you masking, thus a feeling of skill regression. Remember, masking isn’t completely a negative thing. You need to mask to a certain degree to fit in, get things done, survive, etc. Just be aware of how much masking you’re doing because too much and you’re liable to burn out.

I hope you find a community of like-minded folk here! Best wishes.

Firstly welcome to the 'latelings' club and congrats on your diagnosis.

What you describe is common for most late diagnosed adults. You will need to take time to process that you are autistic. You will likely feel varied emotions as you start to view your life and past life through the lens of autism.

I was in my early fifties when I officially became a 'lateling' and 3 years later I am still learning. I went through a stage of grief over all the 'what if's' and 'aha!' moments.

The best thing I suggest is to take all the time you need and be kind to yourself as you are not broken but merely different. Try to find an adult autism support group near you for when you are ready to meet other autistics. You might find talking to other autists that what you struggle with you might find common ground and a shared understanding.

Ask you questions on this forum as there is no silly questions and the folks on here are understanding. It has been invaluable to me since joining.