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Diagnosed 2 weeks ago at 37

SilmarilCritter

Hi there, I'm a 37 year old woman and I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I've suspected I had autism for a while but was never certain so I initially felt relief when I got the diagnosis. But now I don't know what I'm feeling. I feel... kind of flat? My support network has been good but I'm not great at talking about myself and how I'm feeling so I'm struggling to identify my emotions.

I've heard about skill regression but as a very high masker I never really thought it would happen to me. Maybe this is what is happening?

I was just wondering how others felt post-diagnosis.

Parents

  • Hello. Suspecting is not the same as knowing. I thought I had accepted it but when I was told it still had some impact.

    Fundamentally, finding out that no matter how hard you try you are still not the same as others, particularly if you have been masking, is a wrench to your identity. The flatness is because you are not sure what to make of it. It takes some time. You will come to realise eventually that it is ok, you are still you. Trying to work out who you are is interesting. Basically I think you end being you, instead of pretending to be you. It is not that much different, but takes a lot less effort. It is slow though and reading it is not the same as living it.

    The main issue now is you have permission to notice what you were doing and if it was stressful. This means you are less inclined to keep doing them, hence the appearance of regression.

    What will take time is relaxing and trying to worry less, have less anxiety about fitting in, gain confidence, etc. You can then consciously choose how to engage and how to spend your energy. It is slow though, slower than I thought.

    It is normal to have mixed emotions at the moment. You will likely reframe, and possibly relive (if you have the right memory) your major life events.

    Feeling lost is normal too. You have a diagnosis but while everything has changed, nothing has changed. Your life still has to trundle on. You also go from having a focus to it being over. There is none to talk to or thing to look forward to. What you replace this with is up to you.

    It is quite a strange feeling.

Reply

  • Hello. Suspecting is not the same as knowing. I thought I had accepted it but when I was told it still had some impact.

    Fundamentally, finding out that no matter how hard you try you are still not the same as others, particularly if you have been masking, is a wrench to your identity. The flatness is because you are not sure what to make of it. It takes some time. You will come to realise eventually that it is ok, you are still you. Trying to work out who you are is interesting. Basically I think you end being you, instead of pretending to be you. It is not that much different, but takes a lot less effort. It is slow though and reading it is not the same as living it.

    The main issue now is you have permission to notice what you were doing and if it was stressful. This means you are less inclined to keep doing them, hence the appearance of regression.

    What will take time is relaxing and trying to worry less, have less anxiety about fitting in, gain confidence, etc. You can then consciously choose how to engage and how to spend your energy. It is slow though, slower than I thought.

    It is normal to have mixed emotions at the moment. You will likely reframe, and possibly relive (if you have the right memory) your major life events.

    Feeling lost is normal too. You have a diagnosis but while everything has changed, nothing has changed. Your life still has to trundle on. You also go from having a focus to it being over. There is none to talk to or thing to look forward to. What you replace this with is up to you.

    It is quite a strange feeling.

Children
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