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Son 15 got diagnosed 4 weeks ago

zany_uk

Hi, my son got diagnosed 4 weeks ago and I have just received the ADOS report. It was hard to read as we had alway suspected but now we know I am full of guilt that we should have got him assessed earlier and got him the help he needs. He is high functioning and currently very depressed and says he is sad all the time. He has now got an appointment with a psychiatrist  as he has suicidal thoughts. He also has a session with a SLT this week to help him understand what his diagnosis means to him. We also need to find him a psychologist to help him with his MH. Trying to build a MDT around him but it just seems very difficult. He is currently very angry and unfortunately most of his frustrations lands on me. He is such a sweet, kind and considerate boy but I feel I’m losing him to his frustration and anger. He is now very argumentative and lacks patience particularly with me so it is difficult for me to talk to him. I heard him going to the toilette tonight and I checked if he was ok. He told me if he wanted to kill himself he could do it in his room and didn’t need to go the bathroom. He said he has no sympathy or empathy and doesn’t care. Sorry I am just rambling but just wanted to see if anyone else has gone through similar and whether they had any advice. thanks 

  • You did what you thought was best, which is all you can do. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, if only you could have in advance.

    What would you have changed if you'd known? If he has done fine academically, maybe nothing.

    A psychologist or counsellor is probably more helpful than a psychiatrist, but they will advise.

    You spend a great deal of effort trying to be normal and fit in, to then find no matter how hard you tried it didn't matter is hard. If you are not sure what it all means it makes it harder. He no doubt has preconceptions. It is not that easy to accept.

    Also exams are coming up and pressure is what causes the emotional and psychological dysregulation. He will most likely settle down if he has as a chance to talk through the things that are bothering him.

    At that age is used to sometimes think it would be easier if I was dead, but then I nearly died when I was 10, it was in the cold war, things weren't easy and I was isolated.

  • Hello zany_uk

    Thank you for sharing what you’re going through – it sounds incredibly tough. Lots of people say they feel guilt in your situation. You’re moving forward and doing the right thing by involving professionals like the psychiatrist and SLT.

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you feel anyone is at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help.  

    Here are some resources that might help both you and your son:

    Although I don’t know your son’s age, our Resources for autistic teenagers https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers might be helpful too, as they focus on self-understanding and identity.

    You’re not alone in this, many people have felt similar emotions and found that things improve with the right support and time. If you ever feel things are becoming too much, please reach out for help for yourself as well. You could contact our Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/help-and-support/parent-to-parent-helpline

    Kind regards

    Sharon Mod

  • Good morning from America zany_uk,

    I have Autism and a child with Autism, but I have not dealt with the child having suicidal ideation. However, I have had it myself, so I can speak a little to that problem.

    zany_uk said:
    He has now got an appointment with a psychiatrist

    Excellent, and getting in touch with a psychologist is a good idea as well.

    zany_uk said:
    I am full of guilt that we should have got him assessed earlier and got him the help he needs.

    As a parent, I can understand the guilt, but don’t beat yourself up about it. The important thing is that you know now.

    zany_uk said:
    He said he has no sympathy or empathy and doesn’t care.

    Now I’ve suffered from suicidal ideation for a while now and my personal (not professional) opinion is that this statement was probably an outright lie. He probably does care, but doesn’t want to admit it. For me, one of the biggest reasons why I have wanted to do it is because I want to be less of a burden for everyone around me. Obviously I’m not, but the depression warps my judgement. I’m aware not everyone who has suicidal ideation has the same reasons, but I’ve heard that oftentimes people attempt because they care too much about the people around them.

    All that to say, don’t take that particular statement to heart.

    I think you are doing the best that you can given the circumstances. He needs to see a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist. If you need help, I forget the hotlines you have in the UK, but make sure you or your son reach out to a crisis line when it is needed.