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Son's autism assessment

K17

Hello

I was just hoping to get some advice. My son is 11 and has an autism assessment next week. I tried talking to him about it but he is very upset and angry and although I'm trying to reassure and say the right things, I seem to be getting it wrong. He does not find it easy to talk about his feelings or engage when he's upset so it's hard to have a proper conversation. He seems to view it as a negative thing. I really don't know whether he will get the diagnosis or not which in a way makes it harder. I went to the school a few years ago with concerns I had about him such as hating clothes, sensory issues, not going to the toilet at school, struggling with changes and emotions and they started the process. He presents as quiet and shy but not stereotypically autistic. School hadn't noticed anything so I feel I'm the only one who notices. My husband isn't supportive. Hates labels and feels I've upset a happy child and potentially ruined his future when all I want is to support him to have the best life possible as the person he is. He starts secondary school next year and I worry the issues he has may become more problematic. I would appreciate any support or advice in how to help him through the assessment and not see it as so negative. I apologise if I've said or done anything wrong. I'm happy to be educated and hear advice. All I want is the best for my son but I feel so alone and unsupported with this and hate to thing I've done something to cause him to be so unhappy.

  • I'm in a very similar position, in that I have an 11 year old son going for an assessment next week and going to high school next year.

    My son has had big issues with school though and his teachers are the ones that presented it to me so our situations do differ there (sounds more like his younger sister who is also having issues but is the quiet type who is more likely to fly under the radar too).

    Presenting it to him, I emphasised that we are hopefully going to get him more support to make life easier for him. If he gets it, it should also mean an enhanced transition to high school (you should check this out if it becomes relevant). I believe the high school have support he'll be able to access, like a quiet room, so it will hopefully mean a better experience at High School (as high school is hard for autistic people as that's when social challenges become more apparent.)

    I also this summer I realised that he got it from me, and I pursued a diagnosis privately which I got last week, (jumping the family queue so to speak)  but so I can show him that it's not a bad thing.  If there are any family members he can look up to with even a few similar traits, I think it can make it feel more real and less a scary word. 

    Profdanger's suggestion of finding famous autistic people could also make it look not so bad. My son watched The Traitors, so it was really nice to have Cat Burns openly say she is autistic as it normalises it. 

  • Good morning from America!

    K17 said:
    I apologise if I've said or done anything wrong. I'm happy to be educated and hear advice.

    You haven’t said anything wrong! In fact, it appears you really care about the Autistic community.

    This is a very hard case, since it is tricky to convince someone that views Autism as a negative thing that it’s not all doom and gloom. His future isn’t damned if he gets the diagnosis. My go-to advice for situations like this is to emphasize that there are loads of Autistic adults that function well in society in their own ways. I have a job, a wife, and kids, which according to the leaders of my country should be impossible for me. Anthony Hopkins, who is a celebrated actor and musician, is Autistic. There’s even the potential that great minds of our past such as Albert Einstein and Wolfgang Mozart also had Autism. It’s not a death sentence if your son gets the diagnosis. It just means that you may have some answers as to how to make your son more comfortable and successful in a world not designed for him.

    To put things into perspective: I also had sensory issues, struggles with changes, and I wouldn’t use the restroom at school when I was his age. I also grew up to work as a professor of music for ten years.

    I hope that helps!