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New here, and newly diagnosed

Lindyloo

Hello all

Newly diagnosed. Already Mum to a lad (20) who was dx'd at 8. Today I got my dx at the ripe old age of 53. It confirmed what I suspected but is it normal to be tearful and somewhat solemn for the younger version of yourself who had to endure so much 'othering', bullying and abuse? I've had so many memory recalls today which have left me feeling absolutely devastated.

I know I can be gentler to myself going forward, but how do you learn to snap out of re-experiencing the traumas of the past as viewed through this new autistic lens?  I feel very raw at the moment, though also relieved that I was never a difficult child - just autistic albeit the term wasn't identified for a long time after.

Thankyou.

  • Hi  and welcome.

    I am late diagnosed too. I would say being tearful about your small self is definitely normal and expected. I often feel this way. I think it's part of the healing process. You can give that small self what she maybe didn't get back then.

    I would just be kind and gentle on yourself no matter what comes up, maybe these things need to come out into the open.

    Sending you warm wishes.

    (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠Heart

  • The overall feeling depends on your preconceived notions of what it means for you, which can be addressed over the coming months, and what sort of life you have led.

    I had lots of issues, so the reframing has been hard and taken many months. I was also burnt out when I got diagnosed and it resurrected old trauma. But I have processed most it now.

    The initial relief gave way to a huge sense of loss. But is now leading to understanding, calmness and empowerment. But I am atypical. 

    Don't feel bad, whatever you feel. Just allow yourself to feel it, and when ready look at where the feelings are coming from.

    Also don't blame yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. 

    Give yourself so time abd space and don't feel guilty if you don't want to do much for a while 

    Good luck.

  • Good morning from America LindyLoo!

    Actually yes, that is pretty normal to feel mixed emotions post diagnosis. I felt mostly relief, but a lot of people feel regret, grief, and etc.

    One thing that could potentially help with getting through traumas is to get therapy with someone that has experience with Autistic clientele. It helped me, as I got therapy with an art therapist with Autism experience and it helped me to learn coping strategies that work specifically for me.

    But congratulations on your diagnosis! I know from experience it’s not easy being an Autistic parent to Autistic children, but now that you know it should be easier to know what you need in order to function at your best!

  • Yeah, I seem to keep lapsing into deep thought and memory since trying to re-examine the past with this new lense. I'm hoping it'll calm down once my head has parsed it all. 

    I hope it can bring you some closure on things though!