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Family sort of bullying?

Huggybear

I’m a little upset and now find I almost have to hide my autism and my “Autistic “behaviour “ from my family. They say I’m just seeking attention, you don’t act Autistic, anyone can get a diagnosis, stop playing with you hands stand still don’t block your ears, why are you angry, you’re not listening to me, etc, etc I get laughed at too.

im not sure whether im going to have to mask myself, undo all my self acceptance, it’s so hard because when I was diagnosed, I felt set free from all the years and decades of psychological mis diognoses and medications……I accept my autism, though now as time goes on, my months of unravelling a lifetime of masking, has come to this…I feel trapped in a personality where I must act like a “non autistic” in there eyes..

I feel that autism is everything to me, I’m beginning to accept so many things that my life was, now even when I’m learning more and more positive things about my autism, I feel I can only be myself on my own, in my room….I’m 56years old! 

Thank goodness I have my books and sewing….and plushies around me…my fidget toys in the form of teddies and sweets….

im a good mum, despite currant struggles with anxiety, etc…I wish they could simply let me be me.

does anyone else get almost bullied and ridiculed in their own home by family? How do you maintain the genuine you? I want to be Autistic me, or I worry I’ll fall into a burn out….

thank you for my rant, I’m needing maybe some advice please? 

  • in reply to Huggybear

    Oh I am pleased, made my day to read that. Really hope your situation improves but do not put up with such behavior for too long. I deeply regret not making the move sooner.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Thank you so much for sharing all your reply to me. I am so grateful for everything you have written and I feel more empowered. It gets so unbelievably tiring and for me it was sending me even more stressed… it isn’t worth it anymore so I’m just choosing to not interact with them about it, as was suggested to me, and I’m so grateful for replies and thank you for yours too.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you, I’m learning slowly to stand up for myself, and I like what you said about a choice to interact, or not…thank you

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Wow, thank you, I really appreciate your reply…it’s making me rethink things in a more positive way 

  • I don't habe diagnosis, but suspicion confirmed by my therapist.  Autism seems to be tge best explanation if my problems (there may be a better one) but so far it is what it is. My family has been telling me for years to stop these weird hand movements, to behave normal etc. But when I shared with them my suspected autism, they laughed me off. My mom said I was always a very special, unique and weird child, but its nothing even close to autism, because autistic children are those who (and full monologue what autism is according to her). So I don't talk to her about it anymore. I do keep contact with my parents, but limited and I don't discuss my mental health issues with them. They would have never accept it. Sorry its tge reality. If I ever get diagnosed,  I want it to be an information for me, for other mental health professionals,  access to some therapies and support group (where I live, it's a must) but I wouldn't share it with my parents. I don't need this stress. 

  • I had a similar experience with my family when I received my diagnosis. I now believe both of my parents were possibly autistic. I gave my family the chance to change but they continued to belittle me so I walked away and have kept away as it is too toxic for me.

    You do not have to put up with such behavior. Stepping away has given me much more confidence and I have traveled and gone on protests, something I would not have done before. I wish you well and hope you are able to find a solution that works for you as stepping way may not work for you.   

  • Huggybear said:
    I feel that autism is everything to me

    I tend to look at it as much as part of me as my skin colour, my height, the size of my nose etc - it is just another facet of who I am.

    If your family don't like it then consider if they are worth the effort of masking slightly when around them to make the feel better. If they mean little to you then why even be there, but if they mean a lot then it may be worth making an effort for them.

    It sounds like they have a poor understanding of autism and are quite prejudiced against it, but that is their choice if you don't mean enough to them to change.

    Huggybear said:
    im a good mum, despite currant struggles with anxiety, etc…I wish they could simply let me be me.

    Have you considered that because autism is almost always hereditary then your mum is quite possibly also on the spectrum but has had a life of having to mask to fit in and be accepted? She may have had the same struggles as you but without the support.

    I would advocate giving them the benefit of the doubt and becoming the better person yourself.

    The other thing I would do it learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself when they are bullying you, not responding with anger but pity that they lack the understanding or compassion to be better people. That can be a slap in the face to make them reconsider or at the least shut up about it.

    Of course there is a chance they will be all MAGA and double down on their bias so you need to be ready for that too.

    Family can be a nightmare sometimes but you always have a choice as to whether to interact or not.