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Family sort of bullying?

Huggybear

I’m a little upset and now find I almost have to hide my autism and my “Autistic “behaviour “ from my family. They say I’m just seeking attention, you don’t act Autistic, anyone can get a diagnosis, stop playing with you hands stand still don’t block your ears, why are you angry, you’re not listening to me, etc, etc I get laughed at too.

im not sure whether im going to have to mask myself, undo all my self acceptance, it’s so hard because when I was diagnosed, I felt set free from all the years and decades of psychological mis diognoses and medications……I accept my autism, though now as time goes on, my months of unravelling a lifetime of masking, has come to this…I feel trapped in a personality where I must act like a “non autistic” in there eyes..

I feel that autism is everything to me, I’m beginning to accept so many things that my life was, now even when I’m learning more and more positive things about my autism, I feel I can only be myself on my own, in my room….I’m 56years old! 

Thank goodness I have my books and sewing….and plushies around me…my fidget toys in the form of teddies and sweets….

im a good mum, despite currant struggles with anxiety, etc…I wish they could simply let me be me.

does anyone else get almost bullied and ridiculed in their own home by family? How do you maintain the genuine you? I want to be Autistic me, or I worry I’ll fall into a burn out….

thank you for my rant, I’m needing maybe some advice please? 

Parents
  • Huggybear said:
    I feel that autism is everything to me

    I tend to look at it as much as part of me as my skin colour, my height, the size of my nose etc - it is just another facet of who I am.

    If your family don't like it then consider if they are worth the effort of masking slightly when around them to make the feel better. If they mean little to you then why even be there, but if they mean a lot then it may be worth making an effort for them.

    It sounds like they have a poor understanding of autism and are quite prejudiced against it, but that is their choice if you don't mean enough to them to change.

    Huggybear said:
    im a good mum, despite currant struggles with anxiety, etc…I wish they could simply let me be me.

    Have you considered that because autism is almost always hereditary then your mum is quite possibly also on the spectrum but has had a life of having to mask to fit in and be accepted? She may have had the same struggles as you but without the support.

    I would advocate giving them the benefit of the doubt and becoming the better person yourself.

    The other thing I would do it learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself when they are bullying you, not responding with anger but pity that they lack the understanding or compassion to be better people. That can be a slap in the face to make them reconsider or at the least shut up about it.

    Of course there is a chance they will be all MAGA and double down on their bias so you need to be ready for that too.

    Family can be a nightmare sometimes but you always have a choice as to whether to interact or not.

Reply
  • Huggybear said:
    I feel that autism is everything to me

    I tend to look at it as much as part of me as my skin colour, my height, the size of my nose etc - it is just another facet of who I am.

    If your family don't like it then consider if they are worth the effort of masking slightly when around them to make the feel better. If they mean little to you then why even be there, but if they mean a lot then it may be worth making an effort for them.

    It sounds like they have a poor understanding of autism and are quite prejudiced against it, but that is their choice if you don't mean enough to them to change.

    Huggybear said:
    im a good mum, despite currant struggles with anxiety, etc…I wish they could simply let me be me.

    Have you considered that because autism is almost always hereditary then your mum is quite possibly also on the spectrum but has had a life of having to mask to fit in and be accepted? She may have had the same struggles as you but without the support.

    I would advocate giving them the benefit of the doubt and becoming the better person yourself.

    The other thing I would do it learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself when they are bullying you, not responding with anger but pity that they lack the understanding or compassion to be better people. That can be a slap in the face to make them reconsider or at the least shut up about it.

    Of course there is a chance they will be all MAGA and double down on their bias so you need to be ready for that too.

    Family can be a nightmare sometimes but you always have a choice as to whether to interact or not.

Children