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About time I did this....hello!

Gingernutty

Hi all

I have a 9 year old daughter with Aspergers, diagnosed 4 years ago, but until now, I have not taken advantage of any groups or help. Maybe i was in denial, i dont know, but we were coping.

This last 9 months has been hell! Since October 2013, my daughter has suddenly become very anxious about attending school and leaving me and is on the verge of being a school refuser. She has no real friends to speak of, she says school is getting harder and that her head is always full of worry and she cannot think of good things. She is in mainstream school and does not get any individual support. She also has taken a dislike to her teacher & teaching assistant as she says they shout and tell her off. She does struggle to understand tone of voice and facial expressions which does not help.

The school SENco has been great, but things have been very slow and nothing is going to be resolved before she goes in to year 5. Our GP put a referral in to CAMHS and they saw her last week,  but they cannot help her as she has an ASD diagnosis and apparently needs to see a paediatrician instead. We are also desperately trying to get an Educational Psychologists Assessment to see if she is in the right environment for her education or if she needs more specialised help. This is proving more tricky though and unlikely before the end of 2014.

Anyway, this is me, hoping to be able to communicate a little with people who understand.

  • Hi Gingernutty

    I am in a similar position to yourself with school refusal however my daughter is older and didn't get a diagnosis until Feb this year.

    I think part of your issue here is the teacher and TA.  They seem to have little understanding of ASD.  As far as EP is concerned, the school should have allocated time and it is up to them to decide if your daughter goes to the top of the list.  Maybe there are other children that need assessing first but school refusal should pop her to the top of the list.

    I've also been told recently that school refusal should trigger the school to request a CAF (ours didn't do that) so that you can access help.

    There are services available for school refusals but you often have to make noise to get it.  If you have a family information service in your area, give them a call and see what help you can get.  Often, senco's dont know everything that you are entitled too - I have certainly found that out since my daughter moved on from Primary and they were an amazing school.

    Lastly, I'd say, ask the school to accomodate her school refusal. Maybe ask if she can start later, finish earlier, have a special place to go at break times - there is so much the school can do to help her.  After my daughter had a little breakdown, I knew that my number one priority was to keep her safe and let her stay off school and now she's much calmer and is accessing help finally and making progress!

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    It is very easy to get into a negative spiral of bad behaviour and telling off. Can you identify some of your daughter's strengths and heap praise upon praise for the things she does well?

    If she is able enough to cope with the academic content of mainstream school then this is probably the best place for her.

  • Hi gingernutty,

       I'm not sure if you realize, but you can get an Ed Psyc's assessment privately. This is expensive, but will allow you to make a decision in a more timely manner. We had to do this when our LEA refused to assess. Very distressing.

    Their is a register for ED Psyc's so you can locate one who operates privately. I know it's not the ideal resolution but if your daugther is struggling early support is essential.

    I hope things improve.

    Kind Regards

    Coogybear XX

  • Hello  :)

    First I want to say congrats on making a move to get some suport.

    I'm a 27 year old female with Asperger's who was also diagnosed about 4 years ago.  It can be difficult to get support that you need but whatever happens you have to stick at it.  I've had psychiatrists all my life but when it came to the Asperger's diagnosis it was obvious I needed more support.  I was told there were no support for adults on the spectrum in my area so I gave up and tried to cope with it on my own, which ended up with me on anti-anxiety drugs and CBT courses to try and cope with the amount of anxiety that had built up in my system.  I've moved cities and I've now started the process again to get psychologist help.  This was back in January.  It's now June and they are still struggling to get some paperwork from my previous doctor's surgery and then I'm on a waiting list of any up to and over a year.  During this time though my psychiatrist is trying to help me and tells me I have to keep in touch.

    I suppose with being diagnosed later I was in denial myself.  I (exhaustingly) manage to get through everyday.  So, because of my ability to put a brave face on doctors see that you appear to be coping.  but truth is, I'm not.  I'm just trying to get through everyday at the moment.  So, there isn't anything stopping you from going to your GP again and discussing your concerns with them to see if there is any psychiatric support you can get until the education side is sorted (to be honest, if it was me in that educational job, I'd be helping you out now and not the end of 2014).  i don't know what you may have tried already so sorry if I'm duplicating.

    You don't have to cope with this alone, so feel free to discuss anything here.  if we can't help, then we can listen.