Loneliness

You are definitely not alone. Loneliness and struggling with friendships are common threads on here. I struggle with both of these things too. I'm not keen on group things so I've never been that keen on a support group but I have looked and I'm yet to find one in my area that would be suitable. The ones I've found seem to be directed more towards those with high support needs.

You’re very welcome. I completely understand what you mean. The thought of others suffering is awful but having someone who can relate to what you are going through makes you feel less isolated in it. It is good that you have joined a group but sadly some people can be cruel or harsh. Try not to pay any mind to them would be my best advice. Definitely would be better face to face but sometimes even just a simple message can make a huge difference to somebody’s day. 

Feel free to drop a private message any time if you want. I may be delayed responding but will always get back to you (even if it does take a little while)

Thank you for your reply. It helps to know that I am not the only one who struggles with these things - but I don’t mean by that I’m glad other people suffer if that makes sense. I have joined a Facebook group too called Everything Autism. It is good to have this way of connecting with people, although it somehow doesn’t feel as real as being face-to-face. I would be happy to have another friend too :) 

Hi, sorry to hear of your struggles. I understand the feeling of loneliness and the difficulties around friendships. Like you, I too struggle to build and maintain them. When feeling lonely it feels like you are a million miles away from anyone drowning in despair.

I have very few friends but the ones I do have came from a support group on facebook. I’ll be honest some of the people there were toxic but there are also some good ones on there. 

Personally I fear judgement, verbal abuse, lack of understanding and coming across as stupid (although I know I’m not). It has really hindered me with social settings and amplified the feeling of being alone. 

Definitely something that isn’t helped by difficulties around emotional regulation.

I hope your feeling of loneliness improves and that you can make some friends. It would make me happy to have another should you be interested. 

Best wishes going forwards

I hope I can ultimately see things this way too :)

I think both depressed and burnt out. Thank you, it’s reassuring to me that I’m communicating fine here :) 

Thank you Lotus :)

Rach.Mo said:

I’m currently very depressed

Depressed or burnt out?

You are communicating here fine. You just need the opportunity to do the same in the real world.

Hi and welcome to the community. I only really have one good friend, who is my husband. I enjoy some time on my own but also like to chat with my partner about stuff, so I understand how you must feel.

I hope you find this forum a source of support and online friendship, and I wish you well finding a friend in real life too.

Rach.Mo said:

I’m currently very depressed and my self-esteem is very low, so my head is on a loop constantly telling me that people won’t want to spend time with me/ find me fun/ interesting company. 

I am butting in here, apologies Iain. I identify completely with that, but diagnosis has somewhat released me from self blame. Now I believe that some people just don’t share my interests and communication style. 

Thanks for your reply ArchaeC :) 

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I sometimes feel lonely and wish I had someone to share things with, yet most of the time I am happier on my own, doing my own thing.

I have a few friends but I don’t see them very often. I couldn’t cope with more friends as my social battery would drain and it would take ages to recharge.

Thanks for your reply :) 

Thanks for your reply Joe. I have been assessed for adhd and was advised that I probably don’t have this, but what you say is really interesting and food for thought. 

You are right, some people do like alone time, some people may even need it to function. However even those who like to be alone like myself want social interaction at least with my family and a few close friends but having control over that interaction with friends is key. I cannot say I know what lonely feels like or perhaps I’ve forgotten but this forum is a great place to connect with like minded people without any judgement. 

I believe that autism and adhd is often a dual diagnosis, have you considered this? Myself, I'm generally happy being on my own, and can only enjoy a few hours socialising, but everyone is different 

I know a few people who are (undiagnosed) ADHD, and they seem to need company all of the time, hence why I suggested the above 

Thank you for your reply Bunny. I’ve got an appointment booked with a social prescriber, so hopefully they will be able to help me link in with some other people. 

Thanks for your reply Iain. I suppose the fact there are books written on this topic shows that I’m not alone, as well as you saying it’s a common topic on here. 

I wonder whether I feel these friendships don’t last for multiple reasons including:

I’m currently very depressed and my self-esteem is very low, so my head is on a loop constantly telling me that people won’t want to spend time with me/ find me fun/ interesting company. 

maybe I am different to neurotypical people and that means I behave differently and am not good company, I don’t know. I especially feel that I struggle with humour and also talking about intimate things. 

i don’t really have special interests in the way that lots of autistic people seem to, but I’m interested in open water swimming, I have been along to some sessions on my own, but find initiating making and maintaining conversations with others almost impossible. 

I have been thinking I may like to take up golf as I like walking and I like mini golf. I’m seeing a social prescriber soon so maybe linking me in with some other people for this is something that they may be able to help me with.

Thanks again for your reply. 

I'm not sure people want very many real friends.

You need people you have things in common with, or at least a similar perspective to.

I am happy to talk to a few people at work and have my own space in the evening mostly.

If you don't work I think it would be hard.

Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community! 

I’m sorry to hear how you're feeling. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for us to feel lonely or isolated. I’m currently working on the same issue myself.

I know that some others here have accessed autism support groups, so hopefully they will be along later to share their experiences with you.

In addition to their feedback, you might find some of the advice in these articles helpful:

NAS - Loneliness - includes links to other examples of autistic people's experiences of loneliness and how they cope.

NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

You might like to consider asking your GP to refer you to your local social prescriber. I've had a course of appointments with ours and found it helpful.

Their role is to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets your social needs, as well as your practical and emotional needs.

This could include helping you to find local autism support groups and/or socialising activities. The article below explains more (it relates to England, but the same model operates throughout the UK):

NHS England - Social prescribing

You might also be able to find some socialising opportunities via the the NAS's directory, or through a local NAS branch:

NAS - Autism Services Directory

NAS - Branches

As a final suggestion, you could search on Facebook and/or Google for any local groups that might fit with your interests and hobbies.