Recently ASD diagnosed and wanting more of a social life!

Xine said:

As someone who has masked a lot in their life, to be able to be myself in social situations is terrifying. Especially around people who i have known for years. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I've been masking for all of my life (probably a lot of it unconsciously), so I don't know what "unmasking" would even look like. Does it mean I can be less apologetic about infodumping, or that I can decline a hug, or sit quietly in a corner of a crowded room without feeling guilty? Do I even want any of that? They seem somehow wrong, but is that just internalised ableism? I'm still figuring all this out.

In the meantime, I'm paying more attention to my needs and starting to take simple measures or ask for simple accommodations without feeling guilty about it. For example, I wear noise-cancelling earbuds in supermarkets and I'm advocating for my need to pick my own table and seat in restaurants. I'm starting to stim a little more freely. I'm working my up to asking my Spanish friend not to do the whole kissy-cheeks thing the next time we meet, as it freaks me out. We'll see how that goes.

You could look into finding a local "Autistic space", a place where Autistic people meet up and just be themselves. I'm considering that myself, but I'm overthinking the whole thing and I keep chickening out. I'm telling myself that that's OK, though. I cannot be expected to walk before I can crawl. It will take time (years, not weeks, I'm guessing).

Baby steps. (Crawl a bit first.) No rush.

Thank you for your reply

I feel like people think I'm now "over doing " my autistic traits now. And I feel very judged, which is sad. As I've been told I also have adhd traits....I'm like a confusing mess!

There doesn't seem to be any adult autistic groups near me, though I would find it hard to go to one, the option would be good!

As validating as getting a diagnosis is, the idea of being totally unmasked is hard. 

Small steps, I guess is the way forward! Hopefully one day we can be unapologetically ourselves!

Xine said:

I feel like people think I'm now "over doing " my autistic traits now. And I feel very judged, which is sad. As I've been told I also have adhd traits....I'm like a confusing mess!

Yep, me too. I'm very self-conscious when I'm consciously "being autistic", because it's all very new to me. However, it's just me doing what's best for me. I'm trying out a bunch of new things and people around me are just going to have to get used to the things that I decide are helpful. It's not hurting anyone else, so I'm not going to apologise. I am willing to explain, of course.

It's also good to hear that you're a "confusing mess". Me, too! I'm AuDHD and I'm starting to really own that whole "confusing mess" description. We can't all be boring and normal all the time!

I recommend the book "Small Talk" by Richard and Roxanne Pink, if you want to know what ADHD feels like from the inside. Perhaps you'll relate if you think you might have ADHD traits. It really helped me to accept my ADHD diagnosis after fighting it for 22 years. It convinced me to start being much kinder to myself.

Having both does make sense to me. When I had my autism assessment they then referred me for the adhd assessment. 

I always feel like I have two voices in my head telling me completely opposite things! One wants order and control the other wants chaos and excitement! No wonder I suffered from mental health issues all my life!

Being normal would be boring!

Having both does make sense to me. When I had my autism assessment they then referred me for the adhd assessment. 

I always feel like I have two voices in my head telling me completely opposite things! One wants order and control the other wants chaos and excitement! No wonder I suffered from mental health issues all my life!

Being normal would be boring!