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Recently ASD diagnosed and wanting more of a social life!

Xine

Hello!

I have finally been diagnosed with autism, after years of struggling with my mental health. I finally feel like I can now get to know myself, and understand how and why I react the way I do! After 40 (odd!) years of being told I'm "weird", it's a huge relief!

My daughters have also been diagnosed, one of the many reasons why I wanted my own assessment!

The problem i have is that I'm very lonely. I want a social life, but cannot cope with the responsibilities that go with that! I'm just wandering how other people deal with this? As someone who has masked a lot in their life, to be able to be myself in social situations is terrifying. Especially around people who i have known for years. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Parents
  • Xine said:
    As someone who has masked a lot in their life, to be able to be myself in social situations is terrifying. Especially around people who i have known for years. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    I've been masking for all of my life (probably a lot of it unconsciously), so I don't know what "unmasking" would even look like. Does it mean I can be less apologetic about infodumping, or that I can decline a hug, or sit quietly in a corner of a crowded room without feeling guilty? Do I even want any of that? They seem somehow wrong, but is that just internalised ableism? I'm still figuring all this out.

    In the meantime, I'm paying more attention to my needs and starting to take simple measures or ask for simple accommodations without feeling guilty about it. For example, I wear noise-cancelling earbuds in supermarkets and I'm advocating for my need to pick my own table and seat in restaurants. I'm starting to stim a little more freely. I'm working my up to asking my Spanish friend not to do the whole kissy-cheeks thing the next time we meet, as it freaks me out. We'll see how that goes.

    You could look into finding a local "Autistic space", a place where Autistic people meet up and just be themselves. I'm considering that myself, but I'm overthinking the whole thing and I keep chickening out. I'm telling myself that that's OK, though. I cannot be expected to walk before I can crawl. It will take time (years, not weeks, I'm guessing).

    Baby steps. (Crawl a bit first.) No rush.

Reply
  • Xine said:
    As someone who has masked a lot in their life, to be able to be myself in social situations is terrifying. Especially around people who i have known for years. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    I've been masking for all of my life (probably a lot of it unconsciously), so I don't know what "unmasking" would even look like. Does it mean I can be less apologetic about infodumping, or that I can decline a hug, or sit quietly in a corner of a crowded room without feeling guilty? Do I even want any of that? They seem somehow wrong, but is that just internalised ableism? I'm still figuring all this out.

    In the meantime, I'm paying more attention to my needs and starting to take simple measures or ask for simple accommodations without feeling guilty about it. For example, I wear noise-cancelling earbuds in supermarkets and I'm advocating for my need to pick my own table and seat in restaurants. I'm starting to stim a little more freely. I'm working my up to asking my Spanish friend not to do the whole kissy-cheeks thing the next time we meet, as it freaks me out. We'll see how that goes.

    You could look into finding a local "Autistic space", a place where Autistic people meet up and just be themselves. I'm considering that myself, but I'm overthinking the whole thing and I keep chickening out. I'm telling myself that that's OK, though. I cannot be expected to walk before I can crawl. It will take time (years, not weeks, I'm guessing).

    Baby steps. (Crawl a bit first.) No rush.

Children
  • in reply to Damojo

    Thank you for your reply Blush

    I feel like people think I'm now "over doing " my autistic traits now. And I feel very judged, which is sad. As I've been told I also have adhd traits....I'm like a confusing mess!

    There doesn't seem to be any adult autistic groups near me, though I would find it hard to go to one, the option would be good!

    As validating as getting a diagnosis is, the idea of being totally unmasked is hard. 

    Small steps, I guess is the way forward! Hopefully one day we can be unapologetically ourselves!