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Recently ASD diagnosed and wanting more of a social life!

Xine

Hello!

I have finally been diagnosed with autism, after years of struggling with my mental health. I finally feel like I can now get to know myself, and understand how and why I react the way I do! After 40 (odd!) years of being told I'm "weird", it's a huge relief!

My daughters have also been diagnosed, one of the many reasons why I wanted my own assessment!

The problem i have is that I'm very lonely. I want a social life, but cannot cope with the responsibilities that go with that! I'm just wandering how other people deal with this? As someone who has masked a lot in their life, to be able to be myself in social situations is terrifying. Especially around people who i have known for years. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Parents

  • Congrats on your diagnosis and welcome to the forum!

    One thing that can help with your social anxiety is to practice unmasking and conversing with us here on this forum. Then, maybe consider unmasking around people you feel particularly comfortable around (perhaps your daughters?). “Unmasking” could mean publicly stimming, being less worried about formalities, infodumping as you please, wearing headphones, etc. As  excellently put: 

    Damojo said:
    Baby steps. (Crawl a bit first.) No rush.
  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you! Even doing this has been a  massive challenge, but I'm glad that I have. I'm hoping to find a safe space to be able to express myself. And hopefully be understood!

    I'm pretty unmasked with my daughters, though I think because I feel that I need to be a certain way as a parent I find it hard to be myself as a mum. If that makes sense!?!

    I have isolated myself too much (out of protection) but now I want to reconnect....it all seems too huge!

  • in reply to Xine

    Yes, that does make sense! I have two young daughters, one confirmed ASD/ADHD. So I have to be in “dad-mode” a lot where I have to be hyper-vigilant, especially during outings. I find that when I have both kids I am an anxious mess, but when I’m alone with one of the daughters I can be calm and more myself.

    What’s really hard is seeing other parents while we’re on outings like the park and they’re interacting with their kids normally and happily. They play together, socialize with other kids/parents, and the like. Then there’s my kid digging in the dirt pretending the ants are her kingdom’s people while I’m playing Nintendo Switch next to her lol

Reply
  • in reply to Xine

    Yes, that does make sense! I have two young daughters, one confirmed ASD/ADHD. So I have to be in “dad-mode” a lot where I have to be hyper-vigilant, especially during outings. I find that when I have both kids I am an anxious mess, but when I’m alone with one of the daughters I can be calm and more myself.

    What’s really hard is seeing other parents while we’re on outings like the park and they’re interacting with their kids normally and happily. They play together, socialize with other kids/parents, and the like. Then there’s my kid digging in the dirt pretending the ants are her kingdom’s people while I’m playing Nintendo Switch next to her lol

Children