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Help Advice needed

Georgeporgy

Hello everyone 

i am keen to know if anyone has experience of aspergers, alcohol and depression. My dear brother is an aspie age 39 he is has recently been diagnosed through counselling for depression and has struggled for years socially. He seems unable to take meds for depression has tried a few. He as I have been through the sudden loss of our mother in a traffic accident 4 years ago, which he has struggled greatly with. He has been having private counselling for this which has helped greatly, although he is able to show all is going very well during the sessions, in reality at home things are not quite so rosy. He seems unable to stop using alcohol as a support when he finds life stressful and is using it to reward himself. I'd love to know where to start to find help to break this cycle. he has tried AA and now will not attend. He sees nothing wrong with this cycle. I am sure with support from people who understand Aspergers and depression he would  feel less in need of alcohol. His employer of 10 years has also just let him go, which he says he is happy about as they were nit picking his performance - I'm just worried he will take it to heart in the future and will be upset by it giving him reason to drink. Any ideas ???

  • Thanks Coogybear for your help and advice it's really useful and makes a lot of sense. CBT sounds like it could help. I think he started off a few years ago with talking therapies and a little CBT,  through GP before any meds were tried, but now more recently a private counsellor Seems to get through and has been helping as he likes her ! When he has been more settled the alcohol has been less.  He strangely does not drink very much when he is out, his main consumption is at home alone in secret anr he denies it happens. Although recycling friday tells a very different story.  As you he has to want to give it up.  I think he would really benefit from meeting people who have been in similar situations and have autism, it may allow him the chance to chat things over and find some interests.  He loves photography and wants to play a guitar if he can motivate himself he may enjoy the reward. 

    Thanks again for your advice and good luck xx

  • Hi Georgeporgy,

     What you are describing is quite a common problem. My own father battled and so did my brothers. Alcohol turns down the volume for some and in social situations my father percieved that he was less anxious and more confident when he'd had a drink. To a certain extent the alcohol did help his confidence, but when used to excess he often became violent and abusive, which socially isolated him still further. Paradoxically, the complete oposite of what he wanted. My father had very high levels of anxiety and depression for which he took a valium type medication for over 30 years. eventually the Dr's managed to ween him off them, but it took some considerable period of time. Following that he eventually gave up alcohol, but only very late in life. By this time he had developed Parkinsons disease.

    I'm not a qualifed professional or anything, but from my own experience, i've observred that when it gets to the point where maintaining control over consumption is difficult, depression is ususally quite deep seated by that stage. I've also heard several on the spectrum indicate that they have used alcohol after a trauma and then repeated that behavior when stress increased.

    To be honest, i'm pretty sure that he would have to want to give up his addiction, but from what you describe, he doesn't want to. He may not recognise he has a problem or even realize the impact of his drinking on others. It may also be that his drinking is his expression of having control in his lfe. In a life where its percieved we have no control (Your mothers passing for example.) it maybe his way of maintaining a form of control. Life for some on the spectrum can be incredibly fearful and unpredictable.

    Is your brother receiving CBT? I can only speak for myself here, but i've realised my own thoughts can often be very obsessive and cyclic. (I have heard others on the spectrum say the same.) This makes it very difficult to break the circular destructive element of constantly obsessing over things. I've found mindfullness good for this. It doesn't stop the thought patterns, but if you can recognise them, it makes it easier to break the cycle. This in turn reduces anxiety and stress. Once anxiety is reduced, it's easier to look at tackling the drinking issue. Adopting better coping strategies surrounding stress will help and a therapist trained in CBT can help here. Only then, can a reduction in consumption can be tackled. Breaking habits that surround consumption is also key. For example, moving the glasses one normally uses for our favourite tipple, to a different cupboard, so we don't get the visual triggers that we normally associate with our habits is a simple action, but quite effective.

    I'm sorry in a way I can't help you more, but in my humble opinion the readyness to end his drinking, really does have to be a personal journey that he feels ready to begin.

    Coogybear XX