Help Advice needed

Hi Georgeporgy,

 What you are describing is quite a common problem. My own father battled and so did my brothers. Alcohol turns down the volume for some and in social situations my father percieved that he was less anxious and more confident when he'd had a drink. To a certain extent the alcohol did help his confidence, but when used to excess he often became violent and abusive, which socially isolated him still further. Paradoxically, the complete oposite of what he wanted. My father had very high levels of anxiety and depression for which he took a valium type medication for over 30 years. eventually the Dr's managed to ween him off them, but it took some considerable period of time. Following that he eventually gave up alcohol, but only very late in life. By this time he had developed Parkinsons disease.

I'm not a qualifed professional or anything, but from my own experience, i've observred that when it gets to the point where maintaining control over consumption is difficult, depression is ususally quite deep seated by that stage. I've also heard several on the spectrum indicate that they have used alcohol after a trauma and then repeated that behavior when stress increased.

To be honest, i'm pretty sure that he would have to want to give up his addiction, but from what you describe, he doesn't want to. He may not recognise he has a problem or even realize the impact of his drinking on others. It may also be that his drinking is his expression of having control in his lfe. In a life where its percieved we have no control (Your mothers passing for example.) it maybe his way of maintaining a form of control. Life for some on the spectrum can be incredibly fearful and unpredictable.

Is your brother receiving CBT? I can only speak for myself here, but i've realised my own thoughts can often be very obsessive and cyclic. (I have heard others on the spectrum say the same.) This makes it very difficult to break the circular destructive element of constantly obsessing over things. I've found mindfullness good for this. It doesn't stop the thought patterns, but if you can recognise them, it makes it easier to break the cycle. This in turn reduces anxiety and stress. Once anxiety is reduced, it's easier to look at tackling the drinking issue. Adopting better coping strategies surrounding stress will help and a therapist trained in CBT can help here. Only then, can a reduction in consumption can be tackled. Breaking habits that surround consumption is also key. For example, moving the glasses one normally uses for our favourite tipple, to a different cupboard, so we don't get the visual triggers that we normally associate with our habits is a simple action, but quite effective.

I'm sorry in a way I can't help you more, but in my humble opinion the readyness to end his drinking, really does have to be a personal journey that he feels ready to begin.

Coogybear XX

Hi Georgeporgy,

 What you are describing is quite a common problem. My own father battled and so did my brothers. Alcohol turns down the volume for some and in social situations my father percieved that he was less anxious and more confident when he'd had a drink. To a certain extent the alcohol did help his confidence, but when used to excess he often became violent and abusive, which socially isolated him still further. Paradoxically, the complete oposite of what he wanted. My father had very high levels of anxiety and depression for which he took a valium type medication for over 30 years. eventually the Dr's managed to ween him off them, but it took some considerable period of time. Following that he eventually gave up alcohol, but only very late in life. By this time he had developed Parkinsons disease.

I'm not a qualifed professional or anything, but from my own experience, i've observred that when it gets to the point where maintaining control over consumption is difficult, depression is ususally quite deep seated by that stage. I've also heard several on the spectrum indicate that they have used alcohol after a trauma and then repeated that behavior when stress increased.

To be honest, i'm pretty sure that he would have to want to give up his addiction, but from what you describe, he doesn't want to. He may not recognise he has a problem or even realize the impact of his drinking on others. It may also be that his drinking is his expression of having control in his lfe. In a life where its percieved we have no control (Your mothers passing for example.) it maybe his way of maintaining a form of control. Life for some on the spectrum can be incredibly fearful and unpredictable.

Is your brother receiving CBT? I can only speak for myself here, but i've realised my own thoughts can often be very obsessive and cyclic. (I have heard others on the spectrum say the same.) This makes it very difficult to break the circular destructive element of constantly obsessing over things. I've found mindfullness good for this. It doesn't stop the thought patterns, but if you can recognise them, it makes it easier to break the cycle. This in turn reduces anxiety and stress. Once anxiety is reduced, it's easier to look at tackling the drinking issue. Adopting better coping strategies surrounding stress will help and a therapist trained in CBT can help here. Only then, can a reduction in consumption can be tackled. Breaking habits that surround consumption is also key. For example, moving the glasses one normally uses for our favourite tipple, to a different cupboard, so we don't get the visual triggers that we normally associate with our habits is a simple action, but quite effective.

I'm sorry in a way I can't help you more, but in my humble opinion the readyness to end his drinking, really does have to be a personal journey that he feels ready to begin.

Coogybear XX