Hi all, I would just like to introduce myself.
I am not usually a forum person, having had one too many bad experiences with other forums in the past, however, I have been re-assured that this is a safe place. So here goes.
My name is Steven and I am from Greater Manchester. I am 43 years old and received my official diagnoses in January. I was also diagnosed with ADHD last year. My story is a long one with many twists and turns, but I am now in a position where I finally know roughly who I am, and why I have never been able to fit in to societal norms. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with the problems I now have come to find out are connected to my diagnoses, however, I have always been in the mindset that I will never truly get answers or understand why I am different. Why I have to fake who I am in order to fit in to what is expected of me, or destroy my liver in order to socialise. I was led to believe that, due to the way my traumas have impacted my life, I had to live with the diagnoses I had received, and live the turbulent life I did. It took 2 major breakdowns in order to finally get on a pathway for true diagnoses.
For many years I had been diagnosed with Cyclothymia, chronic Depression & Anxiety, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. The answers for this was medication and being frequently kicked off CBT waiting lists for most of my younger adult life. When I finally talked about my childhood traumas, ADHD was added to my list of conditions, and after years on waiting lists I was upgraded to EUPD (BPD) and placed on a treatment pathway. It was the facilitators of the treatment pathway who picked up on many of my neurodiverse traits, and prompted for me to seek a diagnoses. I could write an essay about that, but long and short, they completed pre-assessments for me and then I used "right to refer" for seeking diagnose.
When the idea of Autism was first raised to me, I argued that Autism was demonstrated through learning difficulties or savants like "Rain Man". I was calmly advised to do some research and let them know next time if I want a pre-assessment. It threw me how much fit with me and I was discovering answers to the questions I never thought I would be able to ask. I was ticking boxes I never knew were different, and I was finally starting to understand who I was. The pre-assessment was carried out over two very long sessions which resulted in me hitting either 44 or 46 (I can't remember off hand) on the AQ50 as well as 12 out of 12 on the ASRS. This was a life changer for me, however, I still didn't believe this was the answer to my many quirks and differences. Imposter syndrome kicked in and I expected to go into the assessments and be told that I was wasting their time. Due to this, I would look at what was different in me compared to diagnostic factors and try to prove they were wrong. Anyway, 14 months later I was officially diagnosed during one of the most distressing yet calming assessments I have ever had to undertake, offered information on where to go for more information or help, and sent on my way to tackle the world with this new information.
Six months later and I am finally in a position where I have not only accepted my diagnoses, I am slowly embracing them by working my way to what is a new norm for me. I have received some amazing help and guidance through my local mental health trusts offerings and I am ready to take the next steps of venturing out into what is a whole new world for me. I have joined this Forum for some advice and tips as well as being able to share some of my knowledge if I am able to do so. Most of the time I will be lurking in the background reading, however I will try to comment as and when I can or feel it is acceptable to do so. I am hoping to find a circle in which I am comfortable and safe in, as oppose to the circles I have previously overcompensated for in order to try to fit in and be accepted.
Thank you if you have gotten through my ramblings.
Stevie B.
