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Advise needed

72513

Hi Im not sure if anyone would have any suitable advice for me but would love some if you do. 

I have been going through court proceedings to see my daughter for 6 years now. During this time mother has a private diagnosis for asd and the professionals during proceedings agree with it. 

The issue thats arisen now is that my daughter says she doesn't want to see me and there is no reason why. Mother says this is a asd thing and when she doesn't want to do something they cant force her which also happens for drs/hospital appointments and also some missed days at school. 

I am having difficulties rebuilding my relationship with my daughter so dont really know what to suggest in respect of asd.

Any advise would be welcome Pray

Thanks

Sean 

  • in reply to 72513

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way! If they are causing you all this distress it might just be best to lose touch with them as they don’t sound nice people. Sometimes people just change for the worse and it’s out of your control. Only other suggestion could be to try some sort of couples or family therapy maybe? I’m so sorry I can’t give much advise as I said I don’t have kids so I not able to give the best parental advice but from what I’m gathering it sounds like your daughter isn’t telling you anything and keeping it secret and that could be because her mum is convincing her to say that Broken heart sending you my strength and I wish you the best 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I feel this has been the case somewhat but its all indirect. I am being open and honest with my daughter asking is there anything I can do differently? Have a think and let Mammy know but she is just saying there isnt anything and there's no reasons why she doesn't want to see me. Its hugely frustrating for me.

  • I am so sorry to hear you are going through this at the moment. I hope this isn’t the case but has the mum maybe said nasty things about you to the daughter? Are you not able to have alone time with your daughter to talk things through? Im female myself and I can safely say these days majority of girls and women are just so horrible and b****s and divas and just want to use men to have kids and then leave them. This absolutely sickens me and boils my blood hotter than lava. Sorry I’m getting off track there, I don’t know the details of your situation and you don’t have to give any details if you don’t want to and as I’ve said I hope what I’ve said isn’t the case. I’m sorry I can’t give any advice as I haven’t got kids but I wish you the best. 

  • Autistic people dislike change and interruptions to routines. The break up of your family and consequent disruptions have probably quite severely affected your daughter, more so than an allistic child would have been. It is possible that she associates you with very negative feelings, and this is why you are having difficulties. She may see any contact with you as potentially being very unsettling and she is avoiding anything that might tend towards this happening.

    The only suggestion I have is that you make it plain that you do not want to interrupt her routines and normal daily life. For example, do not take her out of where and what she normally does, but try to integrate yourself into her life - picking her up from school or another activity, and taking her directly to her home might be an example of a possible way in.

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thanks for this I'll check them out Thumbsup

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thanks for this, I have done the whole sending letter and photos for over 12 months and mother wasn't really helpful in encouraging engagement.

    Mother doesn't know what to do so I am just looking for extra ideas and thought someone might have been in a similar position.

  • You could try writing to her and sending photos of yourself, places you've visited, your pet(s) if you have any, to try to build a relationship with your daughter.

    If you were intending taking your daughter out, ask your wife if you could visit her at home instead, as she may be uncomfortable about leaving her home.

    Also ask your wife if she can keep you updated on what your daughter is doing and send you photos of her until she feels ready to interact with you - so you feel you are not missing out so much.

    I wish you luck

  • I'm sorry to hear of your predicament.

    Although I don't have any personal experience to share, you might find it helpful to learn more about demand avoidance in the context of autism. The article also includes links to other resources (including for the PDA Society):

    NAS - Demand avoidance

    In case it might also be of some help, this article offers an overview of autism, along with links to more detailed explanations of various aspects of it:

    NAS - What is autism?