Most of my life I’ve been an outcast and labelled as ‘weird’ by most people I encountered and now I’ve finally been diagnosed with Autism! It took nearly five years but I made it to the finish line in the end. I feel like I’m wasting my life away a bit though but how I feel could be down to the Autism. I don’t really do much and it must look lazy because nearly everyone I know calls me lazy. Sadly it’s my own family but then they aren’t exactly understanding or supportive. They see autism more of an excuse.
I’ve been trying harder to do more, some days I’ve gone out for a short walk but the fatigue pulls me down, other days just getting out of bed is a challenge. Most of my time is spent reading and napping. I worked for a short time between 2012– 2022 but didn’t go in much, the anxiety floored me, the fatigue became unmanageable and to be honest it feels like I never got over it. At the time it didn’t make a lot of sense. I kept asking myself why I was being affected this and I had no idea, no answers surfaced, I was very much in the dark and felt alone in what I was going through. One of the girls I worked with noticed my lack of making eye contact and the way I repeatedly clapped my fingers against my hands three times like a drum beat. She said it looked like stimming and then I looked it up, heard of autism and went for a diagnosis. It was a long haul, and at times I felt like maybe I shouldn’t have gone for a diagnosis but I finally got my diagnosis last week and now I feel a bit more at ease with myself. Looking back at how I’ve been and what I’m like now it makes a lot more sense.
Before I felt strange like I didn’t fit in with people but now I see that my group is out there just I didn’t know where to find it before. Now I know about autism I can understand myself better and look at what I’m experiencing from a different view point. I think the fatigue might be burnout but I’m not sure exactly, just a wild guess based on my research. I’m going to try and slow down and be less anxious and see if that allows me to recover.
Sorry for the lengthy message. I’m still a bit in awe about my diagnosis and the sudden eye opening it’s presented me with. It’s just nice being able to talk about it all without people telling me I’m lazy and using it as an excuse.
Q.
