Newly diagnosed ADHD and ASD

Thank You ! Just downloaded - looks a great resource from the quick skim I did

Here's that pack I mentioned, someone else posted it a while back but I found the link,

https://reframingautism.org.au/service/welcome-pack/

Hi Carl

I’m going to say congratulations on your diagnoses because that’s the response I prefer. I think if nothing else, it has been extremely validating for me. I did a lot of deep diving research and reading before I got my dual diagnoses Nov and Dec last year and I’ve also kind of exhausted the will to continue in the depth that I did previously, because I think I was trying to constantly validate my self diagnosis as well as learn more about something I was totally ignorant about a few years ago.

Did your provider supply any support sessions following your diagnosis? I went through Problem Shared via right to choose and I’ve just started my ADHD support sessions this week - although still waiting for dates for the ASD sessions. It’s good to have support in a group with others who are in a similar place.

I have found a few ways to help myself get through life a bit better - I work part time in an office job (lucky enough to have my own office and take my dog to work (which is a blessing and a curse)) I found that if I ‘listen’ to a podcast whilst I’m working, it controls my monkey mind and allows me to focus on what I’m doing instead of being distracted by other trains of thought. I don’t actually hear much of the podcast because it’s allowing me that focus, but it’s a good trick for my brain! 
If you start to understand your needs due to how your neurodivergence affects your daily life, you can make changes or ask others to change how they work with you to better communicate etc in a way that works for you. 
I’ve embraced my love of soft toys and have a few, along with some fidget toys and books that I loved from my childhood. Things that can help regulate me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. 

One of my biggest problems is overwhelm so my husband is now recognising when I’m getting overwhelmed and takes the pressure off by helping me with stuff. I also realise that if I’ve had a taxing day at work, I need to take the back roads home instead of using the motorway as I get really stressed driving on motorways - so I don’t add to my overwhelm by increasing my stress before getting home.

There are lots of things I guess we grieve for - like the fact we might have a different work life etc if we had been diagnosed earlier and learned the skills/got the support to do things that we thought we couldn’t because we thought we were broken or stupid.

I’m coming to terms with a lot of things and I swing between wanting to shout it from the rooftops that I’m AuDHD and wanting to keep it to myself. I’ve come across a few people who have been less than supportive and told me that it’s a load of crap and that I’m totally normal and don’t need labels…. The same people that have told me I’m weird in the past….

I’m late to the party being diagnosed at 49yrs old and I really wish I’d known a long time ago. It would have saved me feeling broken and screwed in the head for so long. I hope you can find some ways to make things better for yourself and accept the traits that you do have and manage them in a world built for people who's brains have a different operating system. Don’t give up trying to learn more if you can - there are so many podcasts that you can listen to while you are driving. Search for adult or late diagnosed autistic or ADHD and you will find plenty of resources. ADHD chatter is a good podcast on that side of things. I’m not sure about the ASD ones as I’ve specifically listened to late diagnosed female podcasts.

Carlos said:

the will to keep seeking info and potential help or guidance and have hit an all time low, all the help really suggests is to join various communities and join with others

I agree that this is the "broadcast" advice we receive, these days.

I also think/find  it is nonsense and cr ap advice.

Forgive me, the following commentary runs L O N G......;

This broadcast advice that you mention is automated, pointless and terrible advice....because it perpetuates a mindless belief that the NHS, or NAS, or "published support groups"....might magically become available (and also be suitable for you) to enable you any type of meaningful change in your current situation.  This bleakly honest statement is just my opinion.

I do appreciate that it is the "accepted norm" these days to accept 'well-meaning' and 'psuedo-professional' positive advice, without challenge, even if it is trite and inapplicable in most instances........but I am an autistic person / autist .....so I trust you will forgive me for not mindlessly conforming to that "norm."

I have never seen anyone here say....."yes, great.......I am bettered now....because I found "a" support group or "a" NHS website or "a" NAS link that has made anything better".....and yet we are encouraged/bullied by consensus and newly developed social norms to mindlessly support such inapplicable platitudes.

From everything that I have understood from my own process, there simply is no generic support nor advice out there for genuinely autistic adults.  I personally think, that perhaps, that is the definition of being autistic.

One thing that isn't ever said, that should be said is.......

"THERE WILL BE MANY FALSE HORIZONS during one's personal acceptance of where one finds itself!"

It's like genuine grief, in that sense.....MANY false horizons!

HOWEVER.....rest easy pilgrim....all is not lost!

Although it has taken me a lifetime to find a few people who "get-me"......and a couple of years of being here to find a couple of people who "get me"....WELL BROTHER.....that ain't bad?!  You HAVE to put the work in.  You HAVE to suffer the suffering.  You HAVE to accept your reality.  You HAVE to accept the diagnosis on face value.....read what it says....and appreciate what it means!  Please don't expect everything to be fabulous BECAUSE you know you are autisitc (and btw - this isn't directed at you Carlos.......this has become a rant under my own steam, at this point!)

So here are some positives, that I have gleamed from my "diagnosis."

1) I found this place.  Within it, I found a few people who "get me"......but by no means instantly!!!!!  Both they and I, needed to put the work in, build mutual trust, against ALL odds (given the mutual characters involved).....AKA.....it is only through slow, slow observation, comfort and gradual realisation of mutual resonance....that a bond may form.  It takes time.  It cannot be hurried......but when it finally "lands".....it is W O N D E R F U L.  

2) You can spot your own.  You can now carefully 'de-throne' to see if you can spot your own - presumably autistic folk.  When it is safe to "act like yourself".....then you now have an excuse/reason/obligation to "be" how you feel.  Being able to connect with people like yourself, is very comforting.....you feel less alone with your thoughts.  Most of us are extremely "normal" in almost all respects.....whether that be without any physical control.....or being able to master the "sophisticated" social realm.  It matters not, if you are autistic (in my opinion)

3) Know thy self.  Peace can only come, when you choose to make peace with yourself.  This is irrespective of diagnosis, or otherwise.  It is defo the hardest thing to do.......1st know what you are, then 2nd accept what you are.  It is a two stage process - all from within - both stages are tricky - and then you have to work out who to frigging LIVE?!?!  I mean, WTAF?!!

RIP ISperg (NAS Forum-wise) and RIP Plastic (more literally)            [This line will only make sense to longstanding NAS members!]

I don't wish to melt away (nor degrade) by any similar process....but I wanted to write these things to you Carlos.  I hope they are of worth to you at this time?

Kind regards

Number.

Hi Carl and welcome to the forum.

Lots of us here are late diagnosed and can empathise with your situation.

I would say that after only 3 weeks you won’t even have begun processing the diagnosis. I think I was 18+ months in before I really accepted it, understood and started trying to make changes and that is still very much an ongoing process.

But this is a good place to learn discuss and process your diagnosis.

Welcome aboard!

There's generally good news, it does get better, I was diagnosed just about a year ago and did find it tougher at first and it's been a while to really adjust, I still am adjusting and no doubt will be for some time.

I found everything felt more intense as I was focused on it a lot, I almost forgot about all the things that didn't relate to my diagnosis and probably focussed too much on being autistic, if that makes any sense?!?

Give yourself time to let it sink in, read up on things, figure out which things apply to you (everyone with autism has some similar but then also a mix of other traits, I was told I also had ADHD although it wasn't officially diagnosed and I know the two together bring some interesting traits with them!) once you have found more details you can look at how you might be able to manage those things that cause you problems better to improve things for yourself.

This forum is great to get answers, ask questions, offload issues, I think you'll find it helpful, it really helped me a lot.

There's also some material that maybe one of the mods will post links to, I'll try and find the stuff I saw.