Hello

Hi my son was diagnosed at 16 after 2 years of him refusing to go to school and when i coud get him there he either left and walked over 3 miles home or hid in the toilets ( something I have only just found out). He became very depressed and told me he didnt want to live anymore. This was a devastating period for us all as I now know he felt he was the only person in the world like this, and felt isolated and totally misunderstood. He was referred to Camhs who diagnosed Aspergers and cliniccal depression . We have tried counselling and medication but I can honestly say the only thing that has helped is the community of his friends online that understand him and the fact that his family understand him .  He nows goes out at night with the dog and 2 months ago he organised and meticulisly planned a trip to London to meet with online friends . This was to my amazement that he bought his tickets online , planned his route so he didnt have to approach anyone for direction , and negotiated the crowds by wearing earphones and making sure he blocked poeple out by remaining "focused". After the trip he said it was the best day of his life but continued to live in his bedroom.  He will spur himself onto do things when the motivation is great enough and now that is something we are working on. Its is hard trying to find that incentive but hoping the more there is slowly but surely he will have the confidence to go out for small reasons as well as large. My friends and family find this contradiction in his behavouir hard to deal with and am trying to put his point of view across . He is now planning 2 more trips to see these friends so there is hope. It is a slow process and my son still wont answer the door or phone but he did used to have panic attacks . The school were useless and I now wish I had gone along with their monthly meeting which were a tick box exercise to keep me out of court . Your son is entitled to hospital at home which is a great service but They were so slow in referring my son he only had 1 session as it costs the school money and they were good at delaying things until he wasnt their resposability anymore. I dont know if that helps good luck

My daughter has refused to go to school since November a month after her 13th bday.  I'm not sure if it would have happened if I had moved her school/house etc but it did.

Is your son getting some help?  I'd like to think after two years, he has some support of some sort.  I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you two years on.  My own daughter finds it easier to go out further afield.  She doesn't like going into our own town centre for fear of bumping into people that ask her questions.  

Thx, cant beleive how soul destroying it can be to watch someone u love changing from a happy soul into a lonely lad, dont think any bullying was involved and to there credit his freinds still knock and try to get him to venture out, but he just hides himself away and won't talk (other than on Xbox ) where he can communicate .

At 13 he would probably have found it difficult to fit in with his peers as they start to develop more adult social interfaces (puberty and everything that goes with it).

With Asperger's you cannot integrate socially, or pick up the unspoken or under-verbalised parts of fitting in. He is likely therefore to appear progressively naiive and out of place.

Looking at people, and how you look at people, becomes much more important at that age.

Also there may be bullying involved - not the conventional sort with bigger boys intimidating younger kids, but a majority of classmates taking advantage of his difficulties, setting him up for a fall, making fun of him, and isolating him.

The NAS website usually has video clips of playground, school environment situations.

Teachers may not notice, and indeed view this as mild teasing or ribbing. But when everyone turns against an asperger child and isolates themn, that is very demoralising.

Hopefully parents with recent experiences of this will respond with their own insights. It should be something where you get a lot of feedback on here