Hello from Portugal!

Hi, I'm David, in my early 50s, living in Portugal for the last four years since we left the UK. I'm originally from the north east of England.

I'm flailing around a bit at the moment, trying to make sense of things and learn a lot about Autism quickly. Lots of things in my history that I haven't thought about for years are leaping back into my mind and suddenly making sense. On the plus side, it's not like I've changed into a different person, I just have a name for the difficulties I have and a lead on resources to help me figure things out. It also gives me a way to understand why I dread going out to see people, how I struggle in social situations and also how I manage to (mostly) get through them but am exhausted afterwards.

In between processing all of this, I'm renovating an old house while living in it, looking after five cats that adopted us and one dog who kept coming into our field until we figured he should come and join the family and take up his space on the sofa. We all live in a tiny village where we're the only people who speak English. Our Portuguese is coming along, we have lessons, but we're not fluent by any means.

Writing an introduction for yourself is a daunting thing - what should I say, how much is too much, should I add more 'fun' facts? On the one hand I could write an essay and on the other I want to delete it all and keep it to myself because why would anyone want to know any of this? 

Hello!

  • I was bullied also. I once had my head shoved into a (thankfully) clean toilet. During gym class I once had someone throw my clothes into the shower so that they were completely drenched. This forced me to attend the remainder of the day's classes wearing my gym clothes which brought humilating cat calls and whistles from the girls.  In high school, I was also physically beaten up twice. In both cases, when my father expressed a concern to the school administration, he was told that "boys will be boys." 

    Since I have a Pollyanna reaction to bad news and have long sinced learned to always look for the good, the one good thing that I can say about my bullying is that this happend during the 60's and 70's before the advent of the internet and the availability of smart phones.

    What' sad for children who are bullied today is that bullies can use social media to prolong their victim's suffering. By uploading videos of their bullying, they can not only force the victim to relive this experience but they can extend the humilaton to a much wider audience. 

    In today's world, bullying can go on 24/7.

    I remember seeing a statistic that said that 50% of everyone on the spectrum has experienced bullying. I suspect that this percentage was understated and that there are likely a great many more people who were bullied but never reported it. 

    While I have always had an introverted personality, I suspect that bullying made me more reclusive and introverted than I otherwise might have been. 

  • Thank you!

  • Thank you! I always wanted to learn Russian when I was at school, there was an A-level you could do in Russian, but our school wouldn't allow anyone to take it (no idea how it would have been taught, now I come to think of it).

  • Hi! I agree - knowing is really helpful, I can understand much more about myself than I did only a few weeks ago. For example, we were out with friends for a meal tonight and I was *exhausted*. I realised it was because there was the conversation at the table, two other conversations, the music from the bar and something being discussed in the kitchen and I was trying listen to and process all of them. I would never have noticed that before, I would have just felt wiped out afterwards.

    Good luck on the restoration project! I find a great sense of achievement in completing any of the many jobs we need to do, and seeing the house slowly come together is very rewarding (if tiring).

    Yes, I figure this is the start of a long journey, but at least I've started on the path!

  • Hi! Yes, there are lots of things where I figure if I'd known what was going on then I might have done things differently. That said, I'm happy with where I am, so I don't regret any of it.

    If anything, it's the things outside of my control that made me feel bad or weird (like slouching when I was young, which I got told off for lots) or the amount of bullying I got at school for being different when I had no idea why (or even that I was) different that make me sad. I'm not sure anything could have been done about them at the time, but it strikes me that there are probably a lot of people in the same boat as me.

  • Hi and orbigado! Yes, that's right, it would translate as "if talking (patta) was water (watta), you would have drowned". It's not one I've heard before, but it sounds very much like the sort of thing you'd hear around Newcastle.

  • Synchronistically, I bumped into an elderly woman here later on yesterday who was originally from Newcastle-upon-Tyne (Westerhope area specifically) and she confirmed+clarified that that phrase is talking about 'talking a lot' Slight smileThumbsup

  • Welcome / boas-vindas (according to Google Translate) Slight smile I grew up in Whickham, Gateshead, Tyne & Wear during my primary school years. A local phrase I remember is 'if patta woz watta you'da drooned!'. When I've bumped into people from the northeast since then I've often asked if they recognise it/know what it means but none of them seem to have heard of it surprisingly, have you (Google Translate does not recognise it  either Sweat smile)? I think it suggests the person it's aimed at talks a lot and/or a lot of 'hot Air' (embellishments, bullshit etc). Perhaps it was aimed at me a lot as I've have been prone to these things at times that's for sure Upside down I was officially diagnosed (via NHS) Autism Level 1 when i was 48 in November 2021.

  • Hah-hah, my given name is David as well. I'm in the state of Nevada in the United States. 

    I have four cats and just retired from education after 32 years of service. I now blog about autism and am in the process of writing a graphic novel about autism. 

    Like you, I used to be an expat. I spent 17 years abroad in Ghana, Thailand, El Salvador, Saudi Arabia, and Lebanon. 

    I wasn't clinically diagnosed with autism (level I) until 2020 shortly after I had turned 60. As you might imagine, I had a great many ah-hah moments as I reflected upon my life and saw (with the admitted benefit of hindsight) how my autism caused me to make the professional and social decisions that I did. 

    My only regret is that I wish I had known about my autism much earlier in life. I might have made some different career decisions. 

  • Hi and welcome, I was 54 when it all suddenly made sense, we all then have to process our lives, some situations in my own still make me cringe. The knowledge of why is everything, I just thought I was mad or bad, no I’m autistic. I’ve found that just making small adjustments makes life so much more bearable . I can’t tell you how many social occasions my wife attended on her own because I had ‘gone into one.’

    We are currently trying to move to Cornwall and ‘complete’ on a restoration project, the house does need a lot of work but the remoteness and space really suits what we need.

    I don’t think our journey processing autism ever ends, obviously it’s a lifelong condition, there’s always something that happens or a memory that needs to be processed, but now  in a good way.

    There’s a line that is repeated at the end of the brilliant Robin Williams film ‘Good Will Hunting,”  “ Its not your fault.”

  • Welcome to the community! I hope one day I will finally visit Portugal. But I’m not a good traveler. Learning foreign languages is my favorite thing. They often become my special interests. My first big love was Russian. I wish you find support and joy here!

  • Thank you!

  • Especially Hope; my cat.

  • Welcome, David.

    Hope you enjoy your time, here.

  • Thank you!

1 2