Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
My name is Kate and I am 29 years old. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for over 10 years now, and, over the last couple of years, I have begun to realise that I believe I am autistic.
I have been waiting for my assessment for over a year now, and the frustration is starting to get too much. I've always hated the need for people to have 'labels' but I feel like without a diagnosis from a doctor, no-one is taking me seriously on this. My husband doesn't seem to believe me, no matter how much evidence I show him, and I'm too scared to talk to my family about it because I fear they'll react the same way.
I have spoken to my husband and my sister-in-law about it, and all I hear from them is "Well I don't think you are, you act normal to me". It's like if you don't fit their definition of what a person with autism is, there's no chance you could have it, at any level. I just want someone to hear me out and support me, and I feel like the people closest to me should be doing that. I'm sure I'm not the only person to have experienced something like this, and I certainly won't be the last, but I just didn't expect it.
I have been hesitant to chase my assessment until recently, because I was scared that people wouldn't agree with me, or think I'm not 'autistic enough'. I also felt shame in myself, because I see the struggles of those with more 'severe' (for lack of a better term) levels of autism, who need considerably more help and support than I do. I felt like I didn't deserve help, because I'm 'not as bad' as others. This mindset still comes and goes, but I'm in a much better place with it.
If I think this could be me, why should I listen to anyone who doesn't know what they're talking about? I'm the one that's done the research and taken the necessary steps to get a diagnosis, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. BUT it does leave me feeling very, very alone.
Please tell me that there's other people out there that can relate to this? and if anyone has any tips or advice on what to do while you wait for your assessment I would be incredibly grateful.
Much love xx
Firstly I want to say sorry that the people in your social circle aren't listening to your concerns. I want you to know that self-diagnosis is very valid in most of our eyes. I'm pretty sure it's how most of us started out. I remember the look on some people's faces such as one of my older sisters when I said I think I am autistic because I didn't act like her 10 year old boy. Obviously.
Whilst I was waiting for my assessment I just kept doing research about autism and others experience and I would write down basically everything about how I relate to others traits etc so that I had it all written down and wouldn't forget anything in the actual assessment. My assessor said it was articulate and helped them out a lot with knowing my struggles. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer. I was lucky with my waiting time and it was just under a year for me I think.