Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, nice to meet everyone. Here is a short introduction if anyone is interested or can relate to it:
I've always known that for a variety of reasons I am much different from everyone else around me. I've heard about autism, met autistic people in passing, and while I was very aware of my differences, I never even considered whether or not I might also be autistic. A couple of days ago this changed and I did some research and I can say with as much confidence as possible without a diagnosis that I am autistic. I don't even want to waste my time and money getting a diagnosis because I identify with it that much and if I do not meet the thresholds on some technicality it wouldn't change that fact that autistic struggles are my struggles too (and maybe benefits as well).
I always hated school and work so much especially the forced social interactions. I felt like I was in a cage and wanted to claw my way out. I decided one day that enough is enough and I would pull myself out of it my any means necessary. I considered every option no matter how extreme. Building a cabin in the middle of the woods, becoming a monk, etc, but I wanted financial security and not to regret these decisions later in life. That's when I came across the concept of investing and living off of investments. I decided this was the way forward. It became my "special interest", so to speak. I researched investing as it related to retirement and became a essentially an expert in this niche. I joined the nerdiest finance forum to learn more and quickly became a guru there, even though I barely spoke to people in real life.
I eventually retired at the age of 32 with my wife (I left out this detail), sold everything, moved out of our apartment and started backpacking around the world together. The stress reduction has been huge and quality of life has gone way up. We get to do whatever we want all day and see interesting things. I have plenty of time for relaxation. We also work out together regularly and eat a very healthy diet.
So, I actually want some advice.
The social aspect I'm okay with. I find communication with my wife to be very natural and I don't really need to communicate with anyone else other than just the bare minimum. Sometimes I think it would be nice and I can kind of dream of people that I've never met that I would like to spend time with but I've never met those people.
Here is where I'm REALLY struggling. When I was a little kid I was full of energy. Actually I annoyed the other kids sometimes. But since then, especially since being a teenager the energy levels have gone way down. Since retiring I don't usually have that flight or fight response and I am happy, but I'm just always tired, every day. And I feel like I've tried everything.
Once in a while I can be doing something and get caught up in the moment and then ten minutes later think to myself "did I just experience energy?" , but it's so short lived, and not very repeatable!
Any thoughts?
Those are amazing countries to visit! I'm glad you enjoyed Italy! We were recently in Gran Canaria, Spain and Malaga and we had a great time. I'm sure you will love it.
I went to Italy which was very cool because I could spend time speaking and practicing Italian and we went to lots of different cities in Lombardy and Tuscany!! I also went to the U.S. to California, New York and Florida! And I’m hoping to go to Spain soon with my sister.
Thank you! I don't have a faith but I love going to some nice churches to hear a traditional choir or organ music or just sit in silence and admire the beautiful architecture.
Fiona said:Could this be the issue? That you are not getting enough of a stress level in your life? We all need a certain amount of stress to make us achieve things (like you did your retirement). But what is your next big goal, are you missing having that thing to strive/aim for?
Thanks Fiona! Maybe you're right! But this has just been going on for too many years I think. I have had long periods of high activity, low activity, and lots of different goals, etc but the entire time I maintained my constant low energy state.
Thank you Aimee. I also love meditation and find it helpful! I used to do it more frequently. I should definitely devote more time to it!
Which countries are you going to?
I’ve taken a gap year this past year so like you I’ve been able to go travelling and have lots of time to relax. But I also struggled with feeling tired all the time!!! There’s no one thing that specifically helped, but I make sure to take time to completely rest especially after busy days or days where there was a lot going on. I also tried to be mindful more and try to focus on what I’m doing both when I’m full of energy and when I’m tired to properly enjoy each moment, although this can be hard when I’m focusing intently on something or if I’m exhausted!! I do think it’s just a part of being so sensitive to external stimuli and having so many thoughts going round my brain most of the time, which is why I think peace and quiet and meditation helps me a bit as it gives me and my brain a chance to properly rest.
I’m not religious but I find meditation and mindfulness very helpful!!
TiredNomad said:Since retiring I don't usually have that flight or fight response and I am happy, but I'm just always tired, every day.
Could this be the issue? That you are not getting enough of a stress level in your life? We all need a certain amount of stress to make us achieve things (like you did your retirement). But what is your next big goal, are you missing having that thing to strive/aim for?
For me it's a balance, I need enough stress to motivate but not enough to overwhelm me. I find goals and deadlines help. Are you still investing? Would you be able to do some of this, even for a short time, to see if the absence is what is making you tired? Then try and work out what it was about that, that gave you energy. And then replace it with similar, non-work things in your life? Is it risk-taking? Gambling (albeit with expert knowledge) in the unknown? Competition, with others or with yourself? Was it the variety, or consistency, that appealed...
Having a religious faith is a huge advantage in dealing with autism or anything else - what works for me is praying the Rosary in Latin and attending the Traditional Latin Mass
Greetings TiredNomad
Thank you! Very thoughtful response.
I am definitely thinking a lot about your first point. I need to experiment with more with controlling my sensory experiences to see what helps.
Congratulations on your retirement!
Hmmm.... Two ideas:
1. You say "we get to do whatever we want all day and see interesting things". Although your stress has reduced, perhaps your autistic brain gets a bit overloaded seeing all these new things, even though you aren't consciously aware of it? Sensory overload = tiredness
2. The change in lifestyle could be the source, either because of the change to routine or due to boredom because you don't have the challenge you had previously?
Anyway, welcome to the forum. I also hated school & work and have finally been able to retire in my early sixties. It's been strange - my brain is still processing the change, but it's only been just over a month.
Let us know how you get on.
Mark (formerly Spikey) said:No, sorry. It's not related to actual sleep. I had 9 hours last night whereas I usually get 7, but I'm more tired than ever
Oh, I wasn't talking about sleep either! I actually get a good amount of sleep most nights, around 8 hours but it doesn't really change my baseline level of energy (or lack thereof).
Hi, thank you for your great response! It's nice that you can relate. Just hearing real autistic people 's thoughts is very illuminating.
Thank you also for the advice. Yes I did all those tests and I passed with flying colours! I also meet enough of the 7 criteria in my opinion.
Hi, welcome to the community! You don’t have to be officially diagnosed to be a part of this community. I myself am not diagnosed and it’s fine for me so far. I, like you described, also strongly identify with autistic struggles, traits etc, I used to suffer a lot in my past, now it’s much easier for me. Just realisation and awareness, why I’m different, how I’m different, what are my needs and why other peoples advice is usually unhelpful for me, all this is truly liberating and I just work on myself to improve the quality of my life, myself and discovering myself through the new lens is also interesting. Many people here have doubts, including me, also the diagnosed people experience imposter syndrome, the diagnostic process itself is stressful and it’s not for everyone good. If you are curious, how much and how hard of the autistic traits you experience, you can fill the online tests, such as AQ 50, RAADS, sapie quiz or RMET (read mind in the eues) there are also other tests on the site embrace-autism.com. Maybe you already made some of these tests?
No, sorry. It's not related to actual sleep. I had 9 hours last night whereas I usually get 7, but I'm more tired than ever .
I was taking you autism as a given, I wasn't saying ADHD instead. But it's good to know that you have already thought of that.
Thank you for your reply! I didn't bother doing an ADHD test before because it didn't sound like me but I just did one and I scored very low on ADHD. Thank you for the recommendation. To clarify I think I had many autistic traits as a kid and I would frequently lose focus of everything and immerse myself in one thing while all the other kids were doing what they were "supposed" to be doing lol.
So in your experience have you found a solution for your energy issues?
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Hi TiredNomad
Sounds like a nice life! Welcome! Self-diagnosed are very welcome and there are several here.
It can get very quiet here at weekends, so don't be too despondent if there are few replies. And then the front page scrolls a lot, so it's hard to get noticed at first.
Just a thought from someone without much experience. Have you looked into an ADHD questionnaire? A proportion of us also have that - I'm thinking more of the childhood that you describe. I'm not ADHD, but can relate to the tired every day feeling. I'm meant to be doing some online training today and just can't face it.
If you do decide to join in here, it is good to contribute to other threads that look interesting.