Waiting for ASD assessment, lost and alone

Hi, I am 36 years old female and have come to the realisation that I have Autism, my partner had always thought this since we met 3 years ago but I had always dismissed it... However she has noticed patterns in my behaviour, having shut downs and melt downs to a point I had reached out for Therapy. I had been 'depressed' on and off for years and not really knowing what was wrong with me. We went down the roads of Sociopath, Psychopath, chronic depression but those were all dismissed by Therapists/Drs.

Once I done a lot of research into Autism, I felt a sense of overwhelming grief that I had finally related to something... My therapist and Dr suggested I take the ASD assessment... That I need to wait 18months for...

This had all been too much for my partner who is going through her own Trauma so she has left me. 'we are on a break' I don't know what that means. She was my safe space that I could say anything to without judgement, and I feel like I have failed her and failed myself, I believe I was authentic with her.

My parents and brothers do not accept I am autistic and the only friend I have doesn't have any time for me as she is too busy with work etc.

I have reached out to Therapy again just to have someone to talk to about this until my assessment. I feel like I have no idea who I am due to high functioning masking. I do not know what is real and what isn't. I have no one to relate to and I am very anxious about trying to meet people that maybe are going through the same. I am finding this all extremely hard.