Feel like your faking or no longer in control of your own life

If you didn't simply just re-file them to be discovered again, in a few more decades, then I'm starting to doubt your validity in this place!!

[Disambiguation......This, my kin, is what I like to call - a larf.]

-glitched-

Number said:

Personally, I found that....when I relaxed....my brain started to report back to me, from my memory banks, the gazillion  moments from my past (in a steady, and reassuringly endless stream) that confirmed to me "beyond any reasonable doubt whatsoever," that I am eternally autistic

I was posting on here last week about something else (can't remember), and I was typing that I had all my holiday tickets etc. in envelopes under my bed. Each numbered with the year. As I was typing I thought, "yup, there's another one". Up until that moment I thought it totally 'normal.'

"Rattled" is a great way to put it.

I think that, to a greater or lesser extent, EVERYBODY that I have read on here (at this particular point in "the journey of post dx/realisation/acceptance") reports the feelings and experiences that you do above.

I think you can relax a bit.....because you, and your experience and your feelings.....sound utterly normal!  [The irony of this statement is not lost on me!]

Your dx is also, inevitably, going to impact your partner and her feelings and experiences of your life and "just being" together.

I suspect that the both of you will exhibit dumb, unnecessary and inappropriate behaviours and comments for a while......to each other.

My advice is to NOT get too reactive about "others" whilst your vast and complex autistic brain tries to stabilise your own "sense of self."

Personally, I found that....when I relaxed....my brain started to report back to me, from my memory banks, the gazillion  moments from my past (in a steady, and reassuringly endless stream) that confirmed to me "beyond any reasonable doubt whatsoever," that I am eternally autistic.  That's when the peace and calm descends = self acceptance of the facts.

You are going to be just fine 95639.....don't panic.....'just steady as she goes.'

Best wishes to you.

Number.

NAS95639 said:

my wife says she thinks due to my past experiences with the diagnosis process with my son and with people I work with (TA in SEMH) I knew what to say to get a diagnosis

That is very dissapointing to hear.

Does she realise that autism is prodominantly hereditary? This means your son inherited it from you most likely (since you were diagnosed) so your diagnosis was entirely appropriate.

I have a similar issue with my wife trying to minimise my autism because I have been so successful at masking in the past - she thinks that because I am unmasking now and acting differently that now is all fake and the previous masked me was the real me.

It is willful ignorance I'm afraid. Some people have problems in accepting that their partner is not what they grew to know so well.

If I were in your shoes I would get a therapist who is well versed in treating autistic patients and work through your issues with them and accept your wifes failings - she is human so is fallible. Accept her weaknesses as you hope she would accept yours.

Imposter syndrome. But also really sad what your wife said. I hope that she's just in denial and will think better of it.

I've got worse with crowds as I have got older. I am guessing that you didn't just decide to get diagnosed on a whim, so you may be going through something and football etc will get a bit easier again.

Hi and welcome to the community!

What you’re describing - experiencing what’s known as “imposter syndrome” - is very common after an autism diagnosis, especially for those of us who were diagnosed later in life.

More info:

How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

https://reframingautism.org.au/how-to-navigate-being-newly-diagnosed-as-autistic-as-an-adult/#:~:text=So%2Dcalled%20imposter%20syndrome%20is,a%20mistake%20in%20diagnosing%20you.

I saw already quite many people having similar experience after getting diagnosis. I myself am not diagnosed and I’m just observing what’s going on in this topic, but for me currently it doesn’t make sense. 
I understand, that you may feel like you faked or tricked it. You can take a test online screening like RAADS or AQ50 and see again what they show you. Or if you feel like it’s a bad idea, then don’t take them. My colleague at work tells me, that I should go for dx. But im reluctant. It’s such a hot topic in media, I don’t want to be “trendy” I don’t wanna hear that i want attention etc. no, it hurts me and I just want a peace. So, maybe you can ask yourself what made you seek the diagnosis initially and what would give you peace of mind currently. I feel attacked and ambushed by YouTube videos (the only media I use, except of this forum) but I just decided to stop watching them, and go back to Erich Von Daniken and my beloved aliens. I just come from time to time to this forum to see what’s going on here, text some of my online friends here and I go back to my world. 
I understand that your wife’s words hurt you, you can maybe ask her, why she thinks you made it up. Some time ago I heard from a professional that I’m probably autistic, it was after discussing my childhood. 
As for crowds - looks like you just refused doing things, that cause you discomfort. 
my family’s reaction to me suddenly wearing earplugs was also weird. I wear them, because of noise that my child creates and panic attacks that I started getting at home which has never happened before. But my family does not know how much I suffered during school breaks so for them I’m just making things up to get attention or just exaggerating, while the scream of my daughter is like an electric shock to me. It’s hard to explain to them and it takes time. Maybe you also should take time and give it to your wife to understand you better.