Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
I'm new here and not sure how to navigate just yet. I have no experience using forums, but thought since I'm having such a terrible time connecting with people IRL, there is quite literally nothing to lose.
My name is Hallow, I'm 29 years old and a non-binary bean - they/she (please ask my pronouns). I'm into all things animated. Cartoons, anime, animated films, etc. I'm generally a creative person and enjoy just about any hobby or activity that involves creating: drawing (digital and traditional), painting, jewellery making, baking & cooking, etc.
Since my self- diagnosis just over a year ago, my life kinda fell apart and I've been on the journey of seeking diagnosis for my Autism & ADHD, while managing my comorbidities. I lost all my "friends" and family and became very isolated (mostly for my own safely), and ended up moving to a whole new city by myself.
I find that my experience has made me so much more reluctant to put myelf out there in the way that I used to. I also know that the way I approach things like human interactions is vastly different now.
Soo, I want to try something new. I've heard so many people say how they've made some great friends online on Reddit or Tumblr or some other site I've always felt too intimidated to use. Well, if there's anywhere that I can be my full Autistic self and not feel 'wrong' or 'other' it's NAS, right?
Like I said, there's quite literally nothing to lose, but hopefully I'll gain some meaningful interactions,
dare I say.... even friends?
Has anyone got any tips for coming out of isolation in your late 20s/30s?
Or any age?
Or just want to say "Hi"?
I hope to chat with you all
チラチラ said:I'm having such a terrible time connecting with people IRL
This is a very common autistic trait from what I have seen on this site over the years and one for which there is no simple or quick fix.
I would suggest a bit of reading on friendship for autists (or aspergers to use a recently obsolete term):
The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)ISBN: 9781941765388
An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501259
Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)ISBN-10: 1 84310 427 X
Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)ISBN 9781843108764
If you can, I would get a therapist with skills in dealing with younger autustic adults and work on ideas, role play and plans with them to help you prepare to improve your skills in this area.
While it would be great to find those who can accept us just as we are, this is rare in the world and we have to use some skills to understand how to work in social situations and talk to others. The above books can help with some of this and there is likely to be a degree of trial and error as you get into the subject.
The key things are:
Be patient and pace yourself - you are learning a new skillset in many ways and it will take some getting used to.
You will make mistakes. If anyone is affected then apologise if it is your fault, learn from the situation and don't let it hold you back,
Keep an eye on your "energy levels". It is quite possible to start to feel burnt out or that you are getting close to meltdown. Learn to spot this and disengage before it becomes overwhelming.
Realise that both you and others make mistakes. It is sensible to forgive some mistakes but if they are repeated then the chances are it isn't being done by incompetence but malice and consider if that contact is worth breaking off with.
Try to enjoy the interactions. Initially you may well get wrapped up in the mechanics of the interactions - considering if you are doing it right etc, but try to take some pleasure from it if you can - the feeling of communicating with another person, the shared experience, the exchange of knowledge or whatever is involved.
Make sure to listen as much as you talk. Autists can be over-sharers so consider allowing a break in the flow of talking to let the other person get a word in.
Just some rough and ready tips - I hope you find them helpful.