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Hi, I'm new here

A Potato

Hi, as the title suggests, I've just made an account here. I'm a bit afraid of oversharing, but at the same time I feel like a bit of backstory is necessary. 

I'm a 25 year old male, still living with parents, who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome as a child. I never really received any kind of education into what being Autistic entails, nor any of the issues I'd be expected to face with it, so I've kinda grown up just having to deal with things as I went. I also lived in Spain for most of my adolescence, where mental health and all kinds of non-neurotypical cases are largely unknown and ignored by the layman and health systems alike. 

I was lucky enough for my family to move back to the UK after some pretty bad economic issues around 8 or so years ago and have been living here since age 16. In that time I've struggled greatly with my mental health, as various issues reared their ugly heads, and have gotten worse and worse in terms of managing my life. I was lucky enough to be in a relationship that lasted for 5 years before ending in 2020 (much to my dismay), but have otherwise been totally unable to form any kind of friendships or relationships. 

At the moment I find myself struggling a lot and rarely go outside or speak to people. Most of my time is spent in my room, playing videogames and watching YouTube, which has not particularly helped. Over the course of this year I've tried improving my life and mental health through various services, including therapy, but for various reasons these have had the inverse effect. Recently I also attempted to give my local Autism Hub a chance and attended a couple of sessions, but found myself struggling to relate or talk to anyone and feeling lonelier than ever. 

Now, at the recommendation of my mother, I'm giving this site a try. I'm hoping that by broadening the net and talking to people who might have had similar experiences with autism, mental health and other stuff, I'll increase my chances of making friends and socialising. 

Anyway, hope my wall of text hasn't bored anybody and that this is all appropriate and not overshare-ey. Have a nice day, whoever happens to have read this far. 

  • in reply to Bumper

    Thank you for the welcome! It's comforting that so far I've received a lot of encouragement.

    As for your suggestion, I umm... I unfortunately never learnt to ride a bike haha. I like occasionally going for walks when my mental health and anxiety allows me to, but I don't think I could do so without a specific goal as my mind tends to wander into unpleasant places when I amble around. Whenever I manage to get myself to go for a walk, I always make sure to pick a location with some kind of reward (usually food) and focus on getting to that location and enjoying the reward. 

    I'm hoping that someday, however, that I'll be able to go for early morning/late evening walks with a friend or a partner, as I do understand how calming it can be to share a nice quiet moment with somebody trusted and having someone with me would help keep me occupied out of my own thoughts. 

    I hope my response isn't overly whiny or anything, I do think your suggestion is great and I appreciate you taking time to write it, it's just that at the moment I have a lot of work to do to fix my rather silly brain haha. Also thank you for the encouragement, everyone here has been very kind and reassuring. 

    Hope you have a great day!

  • Hi and welcome.  Your posts can be as long or as short as they need to be - don't worry! What works well for me is getting up very early on a Sunday morning and going cycling.  I'm not particularly fast, but there's something about the rhythm of it that calms me and allows me to think in a good way. Try it.  Go early enough and there's no one around, which is even better. I end it with a nice cup of coffee in a local cafe Nero just as it opens at 8am.  Good luck and keep posting. 

  • in reply to __Pathfinder__

    Hi, thank you for the advice.

    I've received similar advice in the past, but unfortunately I am really not cut out for gyms at all. Aside from all the people that may or may not be there, there's the issue that, whenever I exercise, I tend to go pretty deep into my own head, which can lead to some bad episodes. Maybe someday if I have a partner or friend who'd be willing to go with me, or if and when I improve my mental health enough, I'll give the gym a go, but until then I find I need to find ways to distract myself first and foremost to keep the depression and anxiety demons away.

    Still, once again, thank you for recommending something and trying to help. I appreciate you taking the time to provide advice for me.

  • in reply to Desmond79

    Thank you for the welcome and likewise. Also yeah, I often have sleepless nights too... usually followed by a very sleepy morning/afternoon haha

  • So maybe it won't work for you, but join a gym.  It's what works for me (and has done for the last 10 years).  But I don't go to the gym for anything but exercise.  I put headphones on and turn the music up when i enter the gym and remove them when I leave.  I do have people i know and sometimes talk to while there, but mostly I go there to work out.  The key thing is to lockout everything and concentrate on your own workout.  Of course if someone comes over and wants to talk, if you feel up to it, have a chat, if not be poiite and say you have to continue with your workout. 

    If the gym has a sauna, use it, it's another little hack for relaxation and they tend to be quiet places.  There were a couple of dads with older ASD children that were at some serious ASD level that would come in a couple of times a week with there kids and sit in the sauna for a while.

    So the main reason I go to the gym is to be around people, but not have to interact with them.  I feel a little less alone, even if I know none of them.  i do this for a lot of places, like supermarkets.  I go there to be around people, but not have the need to interact with them.

    Anyway, something to consider maybe.

  • Welcome, Buddy!

    I have 'one of those nights' where I can't sleep. But I'm glad to be here.

  • in reply to Take5

    Thank you for the welcome, and welcome to you too. So far everyone's been really great and friendly. 

  • in reply to Jai

    Thank you for sharing Jai, don't worry, you wrote everything very well and clearly.

    Indeed, I've also had some lows with CBT over the years, but I'm glad that at least medication and well-being support has been good for you. I'm hoping to get back into therapy next year, since my current situation is unsustainable. 

    My goals for 2024 are essentially to break free of my current negative mental health cycle, learn to trust the system and process of mental health care again (it's a long story) and form relationships (either platonic or romantic). With a significant amount of luck I may attempt to look for some kind of employment, as this would prove a potential way to socialise and form solid routines, but considering that at the moment I freeze up and my mind goes blank whenever I go somewhere unfamiliar or meet new people, I doubt that'll happen without seriously intensive and extensive therapy. 

    I wish you lots of luck with the rest of your uni degree. My little sister is going to uni next year and so I have a small idea about how stressful it is. If you ever want to reach out and talk about anything, feel free to message me (but there's no pressure either). 

    Have a great day or night!

  • Hello, I am also new here. I am 22 with ASD/C and live at home whilst I am not at uni. If I don’t have a session or not travelling to and from uni (which I hate) I am in my room in bed playing on the switch, drawing, sleeping or doing uni work. I also don’t go outside unless I have an in person lesson to attend. I have no friends and don’t work or socialise at all. I don’t work and also worry about how I will be able to communicate to a high enough standard after I graduate uni.

    I have my horrible struggles with mental health and had to take breaks in studies form uni because of this but, it has since improved with the help of well-being support, and medications but not so much with the cognitive behavioural therapy I received. Not everything will work for everyone. You need to find what support is right for you and it may not be easy/ take a while as it has for me. For now, my main issue is trying to deal with the negative effects mental illness has done to my routine. For instance, my routine is the same as when I was experiencing major depression rather than before that and has not changed much since then. This is because I have gotten use to it. So I really feel bad for anybody who have to deal with any kind of mental health problems and I hope things improve for you like they have for me.

    I am not a good writer so sorry if there are mistakes.

    Kind regards,

    Jai (Nickname)

  • in reply to A Potato

    Welcome potato. I’m new to all this too

  • in reply to Shardovan
    Shardovan said:
    Quality joke, Debbie - love it.

    Thank you.

    It's a better option to vegetating I think.

  • Welcome, A Potato :-) It's a lovely community here, hope you soon feel at home. 

  • Welcome.

    There is another member called 'Baked Potato' so maybe you could get together when the chips are down.

  • in reply to Autistic Not Alien

    Thank you very much. Hopefully I'll fit in and make friends (if I don't bore people to death first, of course) 

  • in reply to Deleted user

    Hi, thank you for the warm welcome. I'm glad my first post here wasn't too much haha

  • Hello and welcome. I didn't think you overshared at all. Indeed, keep sharing here. We're all ready to listen.

  • Hello, welcome! Dont worry about oversharing, I actually thought your post was normal length for this site. Alot of people here, if not all, write long posts and overshare Slight smile NTs may get bored but long posts are kinda expected here lol (short posts are okay too tho)