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Introduction and experience advice for constant attention to a sibling

Samuel's Daddy

Hi All,

My Son, Samuel (5) was privately diagnosed back in August. We decided to go private as he masks at school and because of this, the GP refused to refer him as he wasn't showing 'traits' in two settings(!). The school is terrible and failed to mention certain obvious traits to us when we approached them several times but miraculously included them in the report they filled out for the diagnosis, and we believe he is now showing more in the school setting. The two ladies we worked with during the process both worked in the NHS carrying out diagnosis and had done for 20+yrs each, one had an 11yo son who also masked which helped her understand the difficulties we had been coming up against with both the GP and school. Anyway, because of this, we didn't get an official support plan and after jumping a hurdle that we thought was the hard bit turns out to just be a check box and getting the support we need is the hard task.

One of the main struggles we face is that Samuel won't leave his sister alone. He constantly has to be touching her, whether that is in a caring manner or grabbing, squeezing, hitting her or climbing on her. He seeks her out if she is in a different part of the house to do this and whilst in the car is constantly leaned over to be grabbing her arm or hitting her legs. We have approached the subject numerous times and he always says the same thing "I just love her so much and want/need to do it". Sadly, our daughter (3) has become accustomed to it now that most of the time she just accepts that he is going to do it but obviously, when he is in the more 'hurty' mood it really upsets her and all we can do is comfort her. We have tried all the 'obvious' tactics like removing him/her from the room, had food at the table at different times, diverted his attention with games or change of scenery but having to do so 15/20 times an hour is beginning to really break both my wife and I, especially on weekends to the point I have been signed off work for the last 3 weeks due to it causing me to suffer with depression and a deep helplessness. We want/need to try and work this out before it gets worse as he gets bigger and/or he starts with peers at school. 

Does anybody have any experience with trying to stop this kind of thing?

Any help would be greatly appreciated

Thank you for reading.

Craig

  • I would do something like this with my little sister. Ill kind of chew on her fingers or arm or ill pull her ears, squish her face, pet her eyelids. Sometimes my mom says im too rough when I hit her even though I wasnt trying to be mean or hurt her but idk. My sis doesnt mind unless I hurt her (like if I hit to hard or bite to hard). I think its a sensory thing for me, so it might be the same for Samuel. I personally have never done it with anyone besides myself or my sister so I dont think he would start with his peers (yet everyones different)

  • in reply to Caelus

    Hi Caelus, thank you for your reply.

    We are fairly certain he has ADHD too and so did the ladies who helped with the diagnosis but they said he was too young to go down that route at the moment. So it could very well be ADHD related as you suggest.

    He doesn't seem to mind being touched (by certain people), which I know goes against the grain with an Autism diagnosis but as we have found out during our very quick and sharp learning curve, the spectrum (as the name suggests) seems to be very wide. 

    So, I guess, regardless of whether it is an ADHD trait or an autistic one, which I know very ofter go hand in hand, does anyone have advice or know where we would be able to go for some?

    Thanks,

    Craig

  • hmmm are you sure thats autism?
    i think generally autistic traits are on the side of avoiding touching or being touched. touching others and hitting others i often find is more a ADHD thing.