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Help! My partner is autistic and I'm finding it super hard

ProfPlumb
11 months ago

Hi All

Just joined, I really need some support, my partner is autistic and we've sort of had this confirmed recently. I'm finding it so hard to do the right thing without a meltdown. We've both suffered over the past few years with mental health and it is wearing

Thanks Charlie

  • 11 months ago

    Hello ,

    Thank you for sharing this with the community. You may find the following page from our website on relationships useful: ihttps://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/maintaining-relationships

    If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

    All the best,

    ChloeMod

  • 11 months ago

    Hi Charlie, 

    I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you and your partner right now. 

    It sounds extremely basic, but simply engaging them in conversation in calm way, and asking what it is that they might need from you at this time could be the right move. They might struggle to articulate exactly what it is that they need but keep the lines of communication open. They might find writing things down easier than talking verbally (I do) so maybe letting them sit with the question and journal about it would be good. 

    Also, if they are able to access some sort of therapy where the therapist is informed in autism, this could be helpful. Gives them the chance to talk to someone else outside of you to let off steam or talk through any mutual issues. 

    Good luck!

  • 11 months ago

    It sounds like your partner is going through a lot of stress.  Getting my official diagnosis was helpful, but it also completely shook my entire understanding of myself and the world around me.  It's a huge, life altering event. So it may well be that they have less emotional wherewithal to deal with all the other daily life challenges.  Be patient, give each other space when you need to, and remember that even when you get upset with each other you still love each other.  There's no quick answer here I'm afraid.  It's a storm that you will have to weather together.

  • 11 months ago in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    a private personal safe room that no one can touch or mess with my stuff.

    Good point.  I would be all shades of FUBAR without this facility = Number in chaos mode !

  • 11 months ago

    depends what problems you have with him.

    for one id say living with someone else likely requires his own private room that no one else can enter. thats one thing id like if i lived with anyone. a private personal safe room that no one can touch or mess with my stuff.