Discovering myself (in my 50's)

Hi Tulip52,

Always lovely to hear someone having a good day! ‍♂️

I too feel others pain and sadness. Or what I perceive it to be. I think if I feel such emotional pain then my brother does too. But now I realise that is likely not the case, which is a relief. I have emotional dysregulation  (spelling). But I didn’t know this until very recently. I have been washing up today in a cafe. I enjoyed it, I don’t have to talk to too many people and like to just do my job. Big wave back 

Keep us posted Linz!

Thanks! 

Hi, thanks - good luck too!

Wave back from me.....a fellow 50 something who remembers those feelings!

Welcome.

Thank you, I work as an activities co-ordinator in a care home.

Hi,

I have my ASC interview on Thursday to hopefully confirm my suspicions.  I'm 51yr old and slowly discovering my "new" self.  I think it helps to recognise a reasoning behind the behaviours and thinking.  Good luck with your discovery.

Regards

Coolercoats 

Another good question Linz!

Sorry to kind of opt out here but I do not know your situation, which makes it difficult for me to provide a specific answer. However, I can offer some general thoughts if you like?

It may be beneficial to consider two factors: the individuals involved and your company's stance on mental health. For instance, if I were to disclose my potential diagnosis to my company, some managers might be supportive and help, but without an official diagnosis, it remains more of a theory.

To explore this from a different perspective, let's imagine I am a manager, and an employee approaches me requesting a month off due to a hypothetical illness like tuberculosis. In such a case, I would likely ask for an official doctor's note or documentation. If the employee responds by saying it's just a theory without any proof, my options to support them would be limited. Although this example may not directly relate to your situation, it illustrates the point that without a confirmed diagnosis, the argument could (maybe?) be considered speculative.

However, it is also possible that your company values mental health and would take your situation seriously even without an official diagnosis.

As a closing thought – if you feel comfortable and confident in your company's ability to handle the information confidentially, it may be worth reaching out to your HR department for their guidance.

Sorry that I cannot offer anymore, I feel like offering a "yes" or "no" would be unfair on you. If that makes sense?

Thank you so much,  think I am going to push for a referral because I would like to know, should I tell work that I am doing this,

Hi Linz,

Great to hear from you.

Good question. Personally I believe there are two considerations. Firstly, it depends on whether having an official diagnosis is personally important to you or if you're content with self-identifying. Secondly, as people have mentioned, an official diagnosis can open up opportunities for support and assistance. Additionally, as Ottilie pointed out, without a diagnosis, you may not have legal protection as an autistic individual.

Ultimately, the decision on whether to pursue an official diagnosis depends on your own preferences and goals. Initially, I chose to self-identify, (especially considering the potential delays in obtaining an appointment through the NHS in the UK). However, after hearing from others, I will pursue an official one.

Remember that you don't have to make a decision today. If this was a surprise revelation, it might be beneficial to give yourself a few days to let the information settle and gain a fresh perspective before deciding.

Let me know your thoughts.

It was a challenge and I realise now that I was trying to feel useful and being perfectionist because I was being denied diagnosis, which fed in to me feeling a failure at coping with life. 

I've practised visualising being in a protective bubble too. Sometimes it works.

Maybe you know this already:

https://quietrev.com/9-self-protection-strategies-for-empaths/

There's some cross over with coping strategies for autism, like creating a safe space. I'm trying to focus on what works for me at the moment so I can prevent burnout. Another resource I am trying to find time to work through is Sonny Jane Wise's book The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills. I can recommend it. 

Noodles said:

Let me know how it goes. I am curious to know if it's just a bunch of questions. 

For adult diagnosis it depends on which diagnostic tool the psychiatrist uses. For mine it was DISCO, which was designed more for females experience of autism. There were a lot of questions and it lasted all day. The assessor also noted how I coped throughout the day with the communication and interaction, which was exhausting for me, and could tell that I struggled with that. 

Self diagnosis is fine if you're happy with it and is sometimes the only option with long wait times on the NHS and if going private is unaffordable. The problem is that you don't have legal protection as an autistic person without diagnosis. I also wanted to know for sure after years of being told I wasn't but feeling that it fitted me. You can always change your mind as you find out more and see what's best for you.

I’m 51 next month and it has took me till now to realise that I am different, my daughter who is 20 has been diagnosed with autism and I have the same traits as her, I have struggled all my life with the way I am, I may come across as rude sometimes and I have no friends because people don’t get on with me. I am going to the doctors to ask for a referral, am I doing the right thing or should I leave it alone at this late stage.

Thanks Autumn_Tress (cool name).

Let me know how it goes. I am curious to know if it's just a bunch of questions. 

I literally only found out a few days ago and am still processing (or re-processing) my life.

Being near a coast sounds lovely.

Looking forward to hearing about your adventures too.

Hi Noodles - I read your message with a great big smile on my face. 

It sounds so promising that you've found out this whole new side to you. 

I am 35 but I don't have a diagnosis yet (assessment this week) and I feel like it has been a long time coming. My mum has always said she thinks I'm autistic - we think my dad is too.

I found working in an office awfully difficult. The pandemic in a way was a blessing because it showed us we don't need to be in offices any more, so I moved to the south coast and I work from home now. It's lovely. 

Looking forward to hearing more from you Noodles! 

Hi and welcome.

Interesting thanks. I did not know that. 

The consequence was that I found employment outside of the office, but that is still good to know thank you. 

Hey Allyboo, 

Great name! Love it.

Did you have any suspicions?

Yes, there is a 'duty of care'