i think my adult son is autistic, need help.

Hi

Firstly I think it is great that you are looking out for your brother and are concerned for his, welfare.

As I see it there, are a few options open to you.  You could see your gp and ask for their advice.  Social services may be able to help and NAS may have some suggestions

I think the main  area of concern is not so much your brother, but the lack of awareness of your parents.  There maybe an underlying reason why they haven't sought help in the past.  It maybe that they are blind to his behaviour.  Do they recognize your feelings and respond appropriately?

I personally am not a strong advocate of anti depressants.  Would he engaged in talking therapy or art therapy?  There are some asd aware centres around that might be able to offer Skype type counselling if your brother cannot face meeting in public.

Also, take care of yourself as well and have some fun.  You never know it might cheer you brother up and he might venture out to join you.

Maybe take him to see the new transformer movie.  My son's are going next week in afternoon to avoid the crowds.  

Take care.. hugs.

Hi, I was 15/16 when my mum went abroad and left me and one of my brothers in the care of my father. It was after about a week I answered a call from my brothers school asking someone responsible for my brother to come in and see them. As my dad was at work, I went. I was told by the school nurse and teacher that my brother was different, she thought he may have some form of autism. I always thought he was different as he preferred to spend his time alone in the garden in hisvimaginary world, making weird jerking movements while jumping around. 

When I told my parents they did nothing about it saying he's fine, just a little slow or he'll grow out of it. It has been almost 10 years since then. He's 18 now amd still very much the same secluded child he was then.

A week ago he told my mum he thought he had depression and only because my mum has depression she took him to see the doctor for an assessment. The doctor gave him anti depressants. 

I strongly believe that he is NOT depressed. He has autism but my parents are too deluded to want to understand or research about it. It has been ignored for nearly 10 years and I don't know what to do.

I can't take him to the doctors because he won't listen to me, he's twice my size and he tends to hide in his room a lot.

Please help me, what do I do?

hi i am new to this community. since my son was 8 i have always been told he has aspergers. this was by drs and phsycologists. he is now 18. no one has ever given him an assessment, and its not for the want of trying. i have been asking for years and was always refused.  until 2 weeks ago when i saw my dr and demanded he referred him for an assessment. after half an hour of arguing and crying he agreed. we have an appointment next week.  you really have to fight for one. 

Hotel california said:

I just wish to comment on the point made that your child is an adult.  Only recently in the news it was debated as to whether or not a person could be deemed an adult at the age of 18.  Experts now consider the age to be closer to 23!  Taking into account that your son cannot hold down a job and from what you say unable to care for himself, I would not consider him to be anywhere near adulthood.  

Also your other children will be watching very closely to see how you support their sibling and will respect you more if whatever action you take is done with his best interests at heart.   If they are old enough I would include them in the decision making process and let them have their say.  I wish you all well.

I agree Hotel california.  Even neurotypicals are immature at that age, and it is a known fact that people with Asperger's are at least 3-4 years younger than their chronological age in maturity and emotions.  If you couple that with executive function deficits that mean problems with organising and planning (and this is a lot more than just being an average person that is disorganised), high anxiety and problems in communication, which include difficulty understanding the motivations of others making someone on the spectrum naive and gullible and prone to abuse, a young adult with Asperger's should not be treated the same as a neurotypical adult when it comes to responsibility and capability.  Someone with Asperger's can be classed as a vulnerable adult if their issues are severe enough.

When a child grows up, any child, they are still the child of the parents and the parents will always feel the same love and care for them.  You don't abandon an adult child letalone one with a disability, despite what Anguished Sibling would like to believe.

I speak as both a parent of two and an adult with Asperger's.

I also agree that it would set a bad example to the siblings of such an adult should he be "thrown out" and his needs not met.  A loving parent will always want to ensure their child has what they need to have their wellbeing met, it doesn't matter what age the child is.

Yes, the family's needs are very important, but not at the expense of an individual in need.  The family needs support and the individual needs support.  I don't care what eminent title someone has or how many qualifications someone has that doesn't mean they understand ASCs or what someone on the spectrum needs or is capable of.  There are a lot of misinformed clinicians out there, and a fair few with stereotyped and outdated views about autism so having a title doesn't mean what they say is gospel.

Despite what Anguished Sibling says, I have not read of anyone on this forum saying that people on the spectrum come first and our needs are the only important ones.  And it might do to remind yourself Anguished Sibling, that lo and behold this is a forum for people with autism and parents of autistic children, so of course needs of autistic people will be discussed here!

It would be a good idea for anyone with such misinformed views to do some reading on Asperger's and autistic spectrum conditions.

I am 26 and I am still not emotionally an adult. I did not leave home until I was 25, and I still need a lot of support from my family, although I am fortunate in having plenty of support from a local Autism charity. You do have to weigh up everyone's needs, but you can't just chuck a person on the spectrum out of their home. You need to plan any transition, and this takes time. People with autism  can find change VERY stressful.

Took ben to see the doc this morning. he now knows im serious about getting ben assessed and is going to refer him this week. at last the first step has been taken. will keep everyone updated as and when things happen.

I just wish to comment on the point made that your child is an adult.  Only recently in the news it was debated as to whether or not a person could be deemed an adult at the age of 18.  Experts now consider the age to be closer to 23!  Taking into account that your son cannot hold down a job and from what you say unable to care for himself, I would not consider him to be anywhere near adulthood.  

Also your other children will be watching very closely to see how you support their sibling and will respect you more if whatever action you take is done with his best interests at heart.   If they are old enough I would include them in the decision making process and let them have their say.

I wish you all well. 

thank you, you have been very helpful, i know its going to be a fight but as long  as he gets the help he needs and family life improves thats a result .

If he is diagnosed, services have to provide him with an autism care pathway.  You can also have an assessment of need as his carer by social services which can trigger respite, and he can also have an assessment of his own needs by adult services at the council as an adult with a disability.  He may qualify for supported living so that he doesn't need to live at home any more.  A diagnosis is what will unlock a lot of doors although you are probably going to have to be prepared to put a fight up for everything even if he's eligible as services are stretched.  You could also apply for DLA for him and Carer's Allowance depending on your income.

thanks for that. i am going to take him back to the docs and get a second opinion as i wasnt happy. and my husband thinks that even if we do get him assessed then it wont help as we still have the problem.

The GP cannot refuse to refer him for autism assessment.  See my thread in the diagnosis section (http://community.autism.org.uk/discussions/health-wellbeing/diagnosis-assessment/guidance-adults-assessment-diagnosis-through-nhs).  If you didn't specifically request an assessment for autism your GP may have not understood that this was what you were after, if you went in and explained your son's issues without clearly stating this.  However, if you did specify then your GP has contravened the law and you should go back and insist on the referral.  If your husband sees something is happening he may feel less frustrated and calm down.