hello and so glad to have found this forum

Hello AnnaRosa,

Welcome to the forum. I wanted to say your daughter sounds a lot like my daughter, she's 9 and we're on the road towards a diagnosis of Aspergers.

She finds it very difficult near impossible to say what's upset her or to talk about her feelings at all. Even though it's really frustrating, I know I have to leave her talk to me about things when she feels able, if at all.

My daughter hasn't got many friends at school, no close friends and never gets invited to other childrens' houses, but unlike your daughter she doesn't actually appear to crave this and is mostly happy with her own company. It's me, as her mother, that feels she is 'missing out', not her, she doesn't know any different.

It's heartbreaking for a mother when you hear your child has been 'singled out' and laughed at, I know my daughter is so sensitive to anything like this. Anything she perceives as a hurtful comment she takes so hard and dwells on it big time, so this kind of behaviour from a group of children must've been horrible for your daughter, poor thing.

No advice, just wanted to say you're not on your own.

Many thanks for your comments hotelc. My daughter is also, I think, highly independent and in many ways able, though not socially. This makes it hard to accept help especially when u feel it is being 'forced' upon you. She really prefers to work things out her own way.

one thing which impressed me with the basketball incident yesterday was that she made her own way to the school nurse despite the sports teacher only telling her to go and put her hand under the tap. Unfortunately the nurse had a notice on the door that said pupils needed permission from their teacher to go there and this put her off from knocking.

I will tell her tonight though that I thought it was a good instinct to go there....

My youngest son 14 sounds very much like your daughter.  He absolutely hates the spotlight being shone on him UNLESS he wants it to be.  I think it is all too overwhelming for them and questions are coming think and fast and they find it hard to filter it.  This then results in them becoming every more distressed and the cycle continues.

I find that the best way to deal with accidents / unwelcome attention is to ensure that those around him ignore him at first.  We have found that waiting for him to ASK for help works.  He is therefore in control of the situation.  This does sometimes look cruel to a bystander and goes against the grain and is by no means easy to do.  

For instance, this year he has a new chemistry tutor.  The tutor was very keen to engage my son in lessons and made it a point of spending extra time explaining things to him (not that he needed it).  My son took an instant dislike to him and then refused to go to lessons.  I suggested that the tutor ignore my son and only strike up a conversation if my son starts it (in other words when he is comfortable).  

Now whenever the class are discussing / doing group work he discretely puts a piece of paper infront of my son, indicating that he can do that instead.  No words are spoken.  My son now enjoys going to his lesson as there is no pressure.  He also joins in the group work and discussions.

I have gone on a it, but hope some of this helps.