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hello and so glad to have found this forum

AnnaRosa

hello to everyone,

I hope I can contribute to this forum and find support here. I am so glad I've found it.

I have two children. The oldest is now 10 and she has always had difficulties with some odd kinds of things which I know have always been outside the range of 'normal' - though this is not obvious from the outside. Reading through the info on this wonderful site I feel that she has Aspergers.

Anyway, she is often left out of invites to party's and such things because she doesn't fit in. I've always found this very painful and so, of course, does she. I try to put it into context for her, but it's very hurtful. What can I say? Also, I had similar experiences as a child so maybe I have it too so I know how isolating it can be.

Anyway, yesterday she hurt her hand during a basketball session during sports. The teacher I think was kind but she was absolutely furious - with everyone, and to make it worse many children laughed at her, again this is a sore point because it happens not frequently but on a regular basis because she is physically awkward. So then when I picked her up from school she was crying and as normal whenshe is upset she doesn't want to say why - because it hurts when you say it - and then she got mad at me! As usual.

the incident made her fragile, she was scared and felt on her own and then made it worse for herself by not asking for help....

sorry for this opening rant.

Glad to be here.

 

Parents

  • My youngest son 14 sounds very much like your daughter.  He absolutely hates the spotlight being shone on him UNLESS he wants it to be.  I think it is all too overwhelming for them and questions are coming think and fast and they find it hard to filter it.  This then results in them becoming every more distressed and the cycle continues.

    I find that the best way to deal with accidents / unwelcome attention is to ensure that those around him ignore him at first.  We have found that waiting for him to ASK for help works.  He is therefore in control of the situation.  This does sometimes look cruel to a bystander and goes against the grain and is by no means easy to do.  

    For instance, this year he has a new chemistry tutor.  The tutor was very keen to engage my son in lessons and made it a point of spending extra time explaining things to him (not that he needed it).  My son took an instant dislike to him and then refused to go to lessons.  I suggested that the tutor ignore my son and only strike up a conversation if my son starts it (in other words when he is comfortable).  

    Now whenever the class are discussing / doing group work he discretely puts a piece of paper infront of my son, indicating that he can do that instead.  No words are spoken.  My son now enjoys going to his lesson as there is no pressure.  He also joins in the group work and discussions.

    I have gone on a it, but hope some of this helps.

Reply

  • My youngest son 14 sounds very much like your daughter.  He absolutely hates the spotlight being shone on him UNLESS he wants it to be.  I think it is all too overwhelming for them and questions are coming think and fast and they find it hard to filter it.  This then results in them becoming every more distressed and the cycle continues.

    I find that the best way to deal with accidents / unwelcome attention is to ensure that those around him ignore him at first.  We have found that waiting for him to ASK for help works.  He is therefore in control of the situation.  This does sometimes look cruel to a bystander and goes against the grain and is by no means easy to do.  

    For instance, this year he has a new chemistry tutor.  The tutor was very keen to engage my son in lessons and made it a point of spending extra time explaining things to him (not that he needed it).  My son took an instant dislike to him and then refused to go to lessons.  I suggested that the tutor ignore my son and only strike up a conversation if my son starts it (in other words when he is comfortable).  

    Now whenever the class are discussing / doing group work he discretely puts a piece of paper infront of my son, indicating that he can do that instead.  No words are spoken.  My son now enjoys going to his lesson as there is no pressure.  He also joins in the group work and discussions.

    I have gone on a it, but hope some of this helps.

Children
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