Hello

Thank you,

Cheers

Thank you. I think I try to fit in too much so when I don’t I just think what wrong with me, when I’m in a group when out I feel like I hide at the back as I don’t know how to be around people. I also can’t always read people as to whether they are joking, serious or being sarcastic. I also feel I’m the but of all the jokes.

Thank you 

Hello Shazza, big welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your original post was lost in the ether. From what I've seen this forum moves fast, so please don't feel this was a personal against you thing. This is a welcoming friendly forum. I hope you will find that and enjoy it. I often feel I don't belong and fit in, so far I'm finding a homely feel here where I do fit in. Hopefully you'll find something similar.

Good morning Shazza,

I'm sorry if your last post slipped through the cracks.  Sometimes that happens.  I can assure you that it would be nothing personal.  You are very welcome here.  What you have written above will chime with many here, including myself.  I recommend that you hang around and see if it feels like home.  Read the threads and join in when you feel like it.

I hope to see you around.

Kind regards

Number

I've also felt like i don't fit in anywhere (until i found this forum that is) and like a cuckoo in the nest in most social situations. Fortunately all that confusion stopped when i had my autism realization in December. Now i'm much more accepting of myself and kinder to myself. In the past i was constantly beating myself up for messing up in social situations but i no longer do that because i understand myself better. There are lots of kind souls here who are very understanding and supportive thankfully 

That's really cool, I get that. It must be nice doing a job where you are alone and you can just focus on the job without having to worry about social interaction. Thats why I like writing, I dont do it full time but its nice to just shut myself away and write.

I can imagine the structure and routine of the army could be very helpful. I totally get about the hen party and wedding! That sort of stuff is my social nightmare, I dread being invited to a party or something like that especially if I have to talk to lots of people I dont know. Is there any way you can get out of one of them at least? Maybe the wedding would be easier than the hen party cos there will be so many people you can kind of hide in the crowd and not get noticed or have to talk much 

Hi Shazza. Hope you’ll like it here, you are definitely not alone I. Feeling these kinds of insecurities and sensitivities around when or if posts are replied to, I think many of us have had those moments and it seems to go with the territory of the neurodivergrnt brain. Hopefully your assessment will bring you the clarity you want and need. Sounds like you fit right in here, but I also needed that external validation of a formal diagnosis (others just conclude it for themselves) so I do understand. 

Thank you for your response and I’m the same I mean to reply then think of something else and then forget what I was doing in the first place. I’m an HGV driver at the moment, I like that once I have my keys and paperwork I’m in my truck on my own, as always I like being on my own. I do see my best mate at weekends as she’s the only one that gets me. I think the only thing I liked about the Army was the structure, I found the social side very hard. My mate says work don’t understand me as I see things very black and white. I’m just worrying as someone I know is getting married in April and she wants me to go to her hen party on Saturday and her wedding at the beginning on April and that just freaks me out. I only know her and my best mate.
Thanks again for your response just finding things hard at the moment

Hi Shazza, I read your post yesterday and started to reply but as is usual with my terrible memory I got distracted and then forgot I hadn't finished my reply. 
I found your story very interesting and think it's amazing that at the start of your journey you are able to understand your feelings and what your going through so clearly, it took me a lot longer than that!
A few thoughts on what you wrote in both posts. Obviously it wouldnt be right for me to say whether you are autistic or not but a lot of your experiences certainly chime with the autistic experience and sound very similar to what I go through and what other autistic people I know go through. 

I know what you mean about not fitting in anywhere. This is the first place in my life where I have felt I even somewhat fit in. Its like other people are a different species and I am trying to observe them and learn their language rather than being one of them.

The thing you said about throwing your phone I really identify with too. I once threw my phone at the car dashboard during a meltdown and it bounced up and cracked the windscreen.  I hate phones anyway, I think its so rude how people are on them all the time.

I really get the thing about not reading people's expressions and not knowing when to talk in a conversation and always thinking your boring people. I think a lot of us go through that 

Im sorry to hear your having a bad time at work too and facing a disciplinary, they are not fun! What do you do for a career if you dont mind me asking? I think its really interesting that you were in the army. My dad was an army man and I used to work in the Public Services department of a college teaching kids who were going into the army

Anyway just wanted to reach out and say you are not alone! If you want anyone to chat to while you figure this stuff out Im here