Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I’m a recently diagnosed 38 year old female and have been feeling pretty confused since my diagnosis. I’ve always known I was different, so my results were not exactly a surprise but it did make me realise how ignorant I had been about understanding Autism. So, as I’m sure the majority of you also did, I threw myself into intense research and a lot of my life suddenly made sense. But atm I feel like 2 people in 1. There is Asd me who embraces all my traits and then “normal” me who still tries to do “normal “ For example, I will still force on clothes that I hate, because then I’ll fit in or attempt a coversation with a passing dog walker about the weather, which quite frankly does not interest me in the slightest.
Do you know? I just realised whilst typing, I think I’m just struggling to fully unmask.
Did any of you experience this? Is this a normal reaction?
Masking is conscious and subconscious. It’s hard to just ‘stop’, and we can only attempt to curb those urges that we know we do, and do not want to do, or those that deplete us of energy.
I understand that, but is it normal to be so confused? I feel like I’ve literally been living my life as someone else
Yes of course! You’ve spent your whole life being someone, and know you don’t know who that is.