Published on 12, July, 2020
Please help. After years of speculation and some gentle suggestions, my 16-yr-old son has just received a diagnosis of autism. And he is angry at being given a label
He is a bright young man who has a job, plays sport, is focused on study and keeps himself fit and healthy. But his need for routine and advanced notice, his inability to forward plan, as well as introspection and black and white views, have started to become significantly more noticeable and problematic. And could hinder interviews and such as he progress through his chosen education and career route.
From my perspective I wanted a diagnosis so he could access support whenever he encounters a challenge because of the way he thinks and views the world. And I have told him repeatedly not to think of it as a label, but as a key.
It is his diagnosis and his choice to share the diagnosis; but how do I support him without making him feel I am overbearing or suffocating him.
I too have had speculation about being autistic, from friends, my daughter and cousellors; and I was advised to seek further support if my son's diagnosis was positive.
I just want to help him; to me he is my vulnerable little boy, but he would hate to know I see him that way.
Are there any books I can get him to help him come to terms with the diagnosis. Any suggestions will be so gratefully received.
Honestly depending on how he is feeling he might not feel like reading anything you can put in front of him. And if he didn't know he was going to be and didn't consent to being diagnosed in the first place you are going to meet a lot of "eff you" sentiment. Being autistic doesn't mean an autism diagnosis is necessarily helpful, required, or wanted by some idividuals either. There is still a lot of stigma attached to being autistic. Honestly I think you are best lifting your foot up off the gas pedal, and just letting him come to terms with it for a while, otherwise you may encounter the PDA/ODD wall and risk making it 10-100 times worse.He needs to be able to come to terms with it under his own steam without pressure from anyone else.
He did consent, it was an open conversation with him all the way. I just don't think he expected the result. I agree with you. I will take a step back, educate myself better and leave an open door for him to ask questions of me or the clinicians in his own time. Thank you.